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By: blandestk, K.R.S.S.
Jan 28 2009 1:12am
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Although I am nowhere near a Melvin or Vorthos, I am a fan of art.  I happen to prefer art on canvasses to cardboard, but I also recognize the talent of many Magic artists and have my favorite illustrations.  I definitely understand the inherent artistic necessity of card art.

Since Magic features a lot of fantasy art, I have always thought it humorous to show the more "disgusting" cards to women to elicit reactions.  Hideous monsters, vampires with bloody faces, or brains being pried open tend to repulse the ladies, which might be a negative thing, if it weren't so unbelievable hilarious.  That being said, there are quite a few cards that women genuinely enjoy.  I find the art to be one way to integrate women who do not understand why I spend money on digital objects and spend hours trying to attack a person I cannot see from 20 to zero. 

So I started to wonder about what a woman would deem the best art in magic.  I fired up v3, saddled up next to my lady-friend, and decided to show her all the cards from one set.  It was an interesting exercise, as I got to merge my enjoyment for women, tournament brackets, and Magic all into one bizarre session. 

The Process

Anything more than one set at a time might be overkill to my double-x-chromosomed companion.  We started with Tempest, since it was just released.  I immediately noticed that she enjoyed most of the basic lands, as she declared, "I like most of these lands."  I asked her if she would be able to distinguish one from another well enough to put them in order and, as we started to do so, I figured it would be easier to leave the basic lands out.  Which is somewhat sad, since I actually think the basic land art tends to be some of the best in the game.

To whittle things down, I had her go through every card in my virtual binder from Tempest and tell me whether she liked it or dislike it.  Along the way, I wanted her to give me candid reactions about cards she absolutely detested.  When we got through all the cards, I discovered the best way to figure out what she deems the best of the set would be to isolate the cards she said she liked a lot and set up a single-elimination bracket(1).  From there we could definitively determine the best art from Tempest.

At least when it comes to the women.

She Hates

As I noted above, I find it funny to show ladies art they will probably find disgusting.  Tempest had its share of cards that elicited that coveted, negative response.  Here are a few:

Apparently the brains-on-the-outside look, or whatever is going on there, didn't do it for her.

When we got to Tempest's version of Dark Ritual, she noted that she hated the picture and, when prompted for a reason, noted, "It's a nasty, dorky dude."  Indeed:

When we got to Spinal Graft, the art provided what might have been the best response of the entire excercise.

"What the f#$% is it??"

Some negative responses came simply in monosyllabic utterances, such as the one for Giant Crab:

"Ewwww"

Some she disliked not for their repulsive nature, but for some other odd reason.  In the case of Apes of Rath she said, "they look like they would be in a five-year-old kid's book."  I found that response to be particularly poignant for its irony, since The Grapes of Wrath is about as far away from a five-year-old's book as one can get.

Tom, Ma, and Pa Joad

This particular lady has an intense dislike for spiders.  You could even say arachnaphobia is a mild form of whatever she has in regards to the eight-legged creatures.  It goes without saying that certain cards will be immediately discarded in her mind. 

  

 

 

 

  &

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  &

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 "Eww Nasty"

 

 

 

There were obviously other cards she did not particularly enjoy, but for the sake of article development, I'll truncate here.

She Loves

I skimmed off the cards she was merely lukewarm about and narrowed the list to those of exceptional quality in her eyes.  The list was a nice size for a perfect tournament bracket, 32 cards.  So I set it up like this to determine a champion (click on the links of the cards to see her Top 32 images):

Coffin Queen
Darkling Stalker
Abandon Hope
Perish
Rain of Tears
Dread of Night
Sea Monster
Skyshroud Condor
Mana Severance
Chill
Precognition
Harrow
Broken Fall
Rolling Thunder
Searing Touch
Angelic Protector
Avenging Angel
Orim, Samite Healer
Hanna's Custody
Spirit Mirror
Ranger en-Vec
Selenia, Dark Angel
Sky Spirit
Emerald Medallion
Essence Bottle
Jet Medallion
Manakin
Pearl Medallion
Sapphire Medallion
Reflecting Pool
Wasteland
Thalakos Lowlands

Top Half

Going into the tourney, she mentioned she loved anything with Emeralds, so I easily saw Emerald Medallion wrecking this half of the bracket.  And it did. She really liked Spirit Mirror, but said it didn't even come close to the Medallion.  Could anything from the bottom half take out the mighty Emerald Medallion?

Bottom Half

Wasteland had the land factor going for it, as well as the T.S. Eliot poem, both aspects she enjoyed, as well as the art.  But she noted that Manakin actually seemed to be a piece of art she would hang on her wall if she had the original.  Hearing that, I wondered which of her two favorites would end up taking the title.

The Finals

                                     

 

 

 

VS.

 

 

 

                                 

I thought for sure the Medallion would not only reduce your green spells by one mana, but it would also be crowned the best art from Tempest.  Not only had she declared her love for Emeralds, but it just looks like something a woman would eat up.  I guess I undervalued the artistic value of Manakin, though, as she deliberated for nearly a minute and declared the clothing-store dummy the victor.

Conclusions

Based on this process I learned a few things.

1. Artifact and White art are the feminine favorites.   Six of the Top 32 were artifacts and four made it to Round 2, three to Round 3, and both finalists were artifacts.  Five white cards made the Top 32 cut and four of those won their first match.  Three were still alive in the quarterfinals and one survived to the semifinals.  White was predictable, as I can see women enjoying the Angels.  The artifacts I did not foresee.

2. Blue and Black have depth, but no staying power. Black had six contenders in the Top 32, while Blue had five.  Both colors managed two wins in the first round, but absolutely none in the quarterfinals.

3. Red and Green are weak!  Both colors had only two players in the bracket and both lost in the first round.  Not surprising, since they are the colors of spiders and Shockers.

4. Women love to reduce casting costs.  Four medallions made the Top 32.  All but Sapphire Medallion advanced after Round 1.  Jet Medallion joined the runner-up in the quarterfinals.

5. No disgusting art made the cut.  Big upset there.

(As an aside, my favorite Top 10: Coffin Queen, Precognition, Apocalypse, Searing Touch, Warmth, Spontaneous Combustion, Cursed Scroll, Echo Chamber, Reflecting Pool, and Wasteland.)

So there you have it.  The definitive number-one piece of card art from Tempest is Manakin.  Check back in the future to see what women enjoy from other sets.

Who would have guessed?(2)

Footnotes

(1) I fully realize this usage of time is nerdy, lame, and highly unproductive when compared with other things I could have been doing.  Whatever.  You read the footnotes to this article, so we're both in the same boat.

(2)Thanks for reading!

 

24 Comments

Nyxathid by JotaPe (not verified) at Wed, 01/28/2009 - 10:13
JotaPe's picture

My wife asked me if I don't get scared by the Nyxthid wallpaper I'm using. She's also disturbed by Macabre Waltz art, but I know some men that agree with her on that card. We tend to agree on Rebecca Guay's art. It rocks!

Interesting by Giraffe at Wed, 01/28/2009 - 10:20
Giraffe's picture
5

Nice work. Sounds like a cool way to bond over your hobby. I'd try it with my wife if only there were a way to look at the art outside of the cardstock. Once she sees that they're magic cards its game over. :-)

Though there was one time that she enjoyed picking up a pile of paper cards (Ravnica), reading the cardnames, and being surprised at how closely I could remember the casting costs and text. I'm not sure whether she thought it was sad though. ;-)

If you didn't catch her hint I'll draw it out for you: You'll probably do well to buy her some emerald jewelry!

Interesting..... by Rerepete at Wed, 01/28/2009 - 12:24
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4

Based on your findings, if I show a set of cards to my girlfriend, I am going to be sure there are no images of jewelery amongst then......

Lucky by spg at Wed, 01/28/2009 - 12:47
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I guess I'm the only one lucky enough to have a girlfriend who not only loves Magic, but also regularly begs me to play with her? And always watches over my shoulder while I'm playing?

PS - Her favorite card art off the top of her head: Darksteel Colossus

Yes, that is quite fortunate! by blandestk at Wed, 01/28/2009 - 18:10
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Yes, that is quite fortunate! Interesting favorite for her.

cool idea by Stu Benedict at Wed, 01/28/2009 - 13:39
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Really fun little idea .... just wondering if there is anyway you can make the cards linkable as I have no idea for the most part what the art on the cards in the tourney look like. Oddly, I did know what the 2 finalists art looked like already ...

I tried to make all the cards by blandestk at Wed, 01/28/2009 - 18:13
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I tried to make all the cards linkable (all those cards in parentheses are supposed to be linked), but for some reason the article editor didn't link all the cards. Not ideal, I know.

Thanks for the comments, all.

Links by Rerepete at Wed, 01/28/2009 - 18:13
Rerepete's picture

None of the Tempest links appear to work...all the links that showed above are cards from other sets that are also in Tempest

Agree, for some reason the by blandestk at Wed, 01/28/2009 - 18:19
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Agree, for some reason the links in the article editor don't translate to links on the article itself. All those card names with ( )s around them are supposed to be linked.

dangerlinto's picture

Jamuraa, get to work!

Ask, and ye shall receive. by jamuraa at Thu, 01/29/2009 - 02:04
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Ask, and ye shall receive. The TE cards are now linked throughout the site.
Amazing, thanks a lot! by blandestk at Thu, 01/29/2009 - 02:29
blandestk's picture

Amazing, thanks a lot!

im gonna be the guy. by whiffy at Thu, 01/29/2009 - 13:18
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5

Hey there blandestk. Before i get into my thing i just gotta say that being a writer for the site i know what kind of time and effort goes into these things and i appreciate you doing it, but for me this article was not that great. maybe it has to do with the fact that i just dont care about the subject matter. one thing i do find a bit unnerving that i can put my finger on is that you only polled one person but keep saying women. I know for one that my g/f had vastly different picks (her fav was tradewind rider followed closely by jackal pup) in the future could you maybe try polling more then one person(lol) and having there top 32 go up against each other in the tourny bracket type thing. Other wise i thought it was well written and well represented just not for me.

Obviously, the sarcasm of the by blandestk at Thu, 01/29/2009 - 19:46
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Obviously, the sarcasm of the article didn't come through for you. I thought it should have been fairly obvious, as I wrote things such as "the definitive" best piece of art. You can't even have a definitive best when we're talking about something subjective. The fact that I had one person represent all women and then have that person pick the best art from the set, I thought that humor would easily be evident, but I guess not. I knew the subject wouldn't excite everyone, but thought I would try to shake things up a bit. If all you want to read about are decks and tournaments, then that's cool, but it's not the only thing to talk about. Sorry if it wasn't for you.

im sorry by whiffy at Thu, 01/29/2009 - 22:02
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i had no intent to bash i was just saying that i guess it was lost on me. im sorry if i offended wasent my intent. just wanted to say that iliked the style just wassent in to the content.

No worries, at all. I know by blandestk at Thu, 01/29/2009 - 22:57
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No worries, at all. I know all articles won't be for every reader, just wanted to make sure my intents with the article were clear.

Amusing article, though a bit by A3 (not verified) at Thu, 01/29/2009 - 17:17
A3's picture

Amusing article, though a bit sexist and one sided. Seemingly elegant in its attempt to muse the reader, it lost a lot of luster with the overuse of the particular phrases and words like elicit and exercise. Some words can and do become old quickly when used in a rapid repetition. It is definitely not a bad article, but it almost seemed forced. I do look forward to your next article. I hope my observations do not offend, but are taken as the constructive feedback they are intended to be.

Thanks for the criticism, I by blandestk at Thu, 01/29/2009 - 19:48
blandestk's picture

Thanks for the criticism, I always look to improve. The article is definitely not intended to be sexist, consciously or subconsciously. It was intended to be amusing, as you noted, and sarcastic. If anything, self-deprecating. I'm about as far from sexist as you can get. Thanks for reading.

Yep i appreciate your effort by Anonymous (not verified) at Thu, 01/29/2009 - 18:20
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1

Yep i appreciate your effort to take readers in a new direction. I have to say this article didn't interest me in the least. Perhaps less then any article i have ever read on this site. Good effort but you need to go back to the building blocks.

Sorry it wasn't for you. by blandestk at Thu, 01/29/2009 - 19:54
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Sorry it wasn't for you, thanks for the anonymous read.

I was surprised to see some by the lady-friend (not verified) at Thu, 01/29/2009 - 23:15
the lady-friend's picture
5

I was surprised to see some of the comments on this article, seeing as I'm the lady-friend who picked the cards and obviously a woman. All my friends I showed the article to didn't have a problem with it at all, didn't think it was sexist or that it was speaking for all women in any way. I guess I can see that some people just wouldn't like the content of the article, but as a person who does not play or know anything about Magic at all, these are the only types of articles I would ever want to read. I guess you could say it would be a good way to get a more diverse readership.

Great article!

PS-Tradewind Riders???

Show her Time Spiral or Alara by Katastrophe at Fri, 01/30/2009 - 01:21
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3

Show her Time Spiral or Alara for the encore article. Not only is modern Magic art (post-Urza's) wayyyy better, but those sets are both free of jewelry themed artifacts.

Hint: she likes emeralds. (Now I'm the one being facetious.)

I tend to like the older art by blandestk at Fri, 01/30/2009 - 23:47
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5

I tend to like the older art better, but that's the beauty of art: nothing is definitive unless you make it that way. haha.

I was planning to do Alara next, but that would be down the line. Plus, I don't want to speak for all women!

haha, loved the article. by Anonymous (not verified) at Sat, 01/31/2009 - 11:16
Anonymous's picture
5

haha, loved the article. great idea and a fresh type of thing to read on this site. can't wait to see the next one.