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By: BlippyTheSlug, Volker Kirstein
Jul 17 2014 12:00pm
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Bling, Innuendo, And The Art of Buttcrackery

I like playing Cruel Control. It has all the elements I enjoy playing in a deck: hand disruption, burn to the face, countermagic, graveyard recursion... To sum up, being a buttcrack and making dookie all over my opponent's plans.

While it did ok in the JFF room, it lacked a certain je ne sais quoi. I tried changing the numbers around, and different on-color spells. One day, while contemplating my navel (I have an innie), it occurred to me: what if I splashed a fourth color? Maybe Abrupt Decay could be that li'l sump'n sump'n?

Once I looked Behind The Green Door, other things popped up and slid in, as well. 

 
Gruel Control
A Brainfart based on Cruel Control
Creatures
3 Augur of Bolas
3 Snapcaster Mage
1 Wurmcoil Engine PRM RAWR!!
7 Creatures

Other Spells
1 Abrupt Decay
3 Blightning PRM Textless
2 Cancel PRM Textless
2 Cruel Ultimatum
3 Electrolyze PRM Full Art
3 Inquisition of Kozilek
3 Lightning Bolt PRM Textless
3 Remand PRM
3 Spell Snare
2 Terminate PRM Textless
2 Thoughtseize
1 Voidslime PRM Full Art
28 Other Spells

Lands
3 Blood Crypt
1 Breeding Pool
1 Creeping Tar Pit RAWR!!
1 Forest PRM Unhinged
2 Island PRM Unhinged
1 Lavaclaw Reaches RAWR!!
1 Mountain PRM Unhinged
1 Raging Ravine RAWR!!
2 Steam Vents
1 Stomping Ground
3 Swamp PRM Unhinged
1 Urborg, Tomb of Yawgmoth
4 Verdant Catacombs
3 Watery Grave
25 Lands

Bling

I love Full Art and Textless cards.

At one point in my Alternate Art work, I was experimenting with the card frame images, and seeing if I could fool the v3 client into "filling in" a larger "hole" in the card, in effect making ALL my cards "full art". It wasn't working. Then the Wide Beta came along. The Wide Beta doesn't really use local art files (it does, but it doesn't), so my Alternate Art projects languish in the metaphorical closet. I still have all the files.

In the meantime, the Wide Beta has become v4, and we all have to put up with the dull, washed out art we now have, and can't do anything about.

Anyway, it just so happens that many of the Full Art and Textless promos released on MTGO over the years fit into this deck just fine.

Blightning

Sorcery
Blightning deals 3 damage to target player. That player discards two cards.

This melding of Lightning Bolt (albeit at Sorcery speed) and Mind Rot has been one of my favorite cards since Alara. During and after Alara Reborn, while other players were packing Maelstrom Pulse in their Standard Jund decks, I kept using Blightning. As you can see, I use it to this day.

The burn and disruption I cause when I cast this card meet a need within me. I'm Rakdos that way. 

 

 

Cancel

Counter target spell.

It doesn't get simpler than that. No conditions. No ifs, ands, or buts. Buh bye.

You and I both know there are strictly better "hard" counters available at CMC3 than Cancel: Dissipate, Dissolve, and Stoic Rebuttal come to mind. None of them are available in a Textless or Full Art version, tho. So olde skoole Cancel it is.

You and I also know that Cryptic Command arguably would be an even better counter. Arguably, it is. Note that word. "Arguably". On the downside, for me, are a couple of things:

  1. The casting cost. Cryptic Command costs , which is one more . I feel that this deck is more oriented, rather than . Even though I have more blue cards, for me, it still feels blacker. Cryptic Command would require a heavier commitment. 
  2. The card cost. Textless versions of Cryptic Command are $48.28 at MTGO Traders. I don't have that kind of money to spend. Lorwyn and Modern Masters versions cost $25 and change. Same story. Even if I did have the ducats, see 1.

Another Textless piece of countermagic than might have gone into this slot is Mana Leak. After all, it's a whole cheaper! But for this build, it's entirely too conditional: your opponent can counter it by paying . While Mana Leak is fine and dandy in the early game, late game, it's worse than useless; I don't want to take a Leak on Turn Seven. This deck thrives on the late game.

If this deck were looking for a quicker kill, I might consider it. I run Mana Leak in many of my other blue builds, but in those decks I'm also looking to finish long before Turn Seven. 

 

Electrolyze

Instant
Electrolyze deals 2 damage divided as you choose among one or two target creatures and/or players.
Draw a card.

This gem from Guildpact has become a staple. What's not to like? The damage is divisible, so you can ping a pair of X/1s, or a X/2, or 2 to the face. Then you draw a card! Even if your opponent tries to "counter" it by killing one of the targets, it'll still resolve, and you'll still get your card.

 

 

 

Lightning Bolt

Instant
Lightning Bolt deals 3 damage to target creature or player. 

This iconic card has been the standard against which all other spells are judged, and usually found wanting, since Magic existed. There is not a whole lot I can say that hasn't been said already.

In every format that allows it, Lightning Bolt is usually a 3- or 4-of in any deck running

 

 

 

Terminate

Instant
Destroy target creature. It can't be regenerated.

First printed in Planeshift, and then again in Alara Reborn, Terminate has been the go to spot removal spell for any deck/format it's viable in. The can't be regenerated clause saw to that.

This is another card that fits in so well with my style of play, and calms my brain when I cast it.

Strictly better than  or 

 

Voidslime

Instant
Counter target spell, activated ability, or triggered ability. (Mana abilities can't be targeted.)

Since I'm already splashing , this card goes Cancel one better, being able to hit [non-mana] abilities as well as spells! Essentially, it's a third Cancel with a corner case gotcha! 

Voidslime also fits in well for me, flavorwise. Slug slime, and all that. There's been times when I've let my opponent quietly tick up his Planeswalker, then slimed it when he ultimated. This particular play is a good inducement for a spirited concession.

 

 

In The Sideboard

Black Sun's Zenith

Sorcery
Put X -1/-1 counters on each creature. Shuffle Black Sun's Zenith back into its owner's library

Sometimes, you need to wipe the board. While Damnation would be (strictly?) better, and has a textless version, the cost argument comes into play again. (It's currently $32.78 at MTGO Traders.)

 

 

 

Buttcrittery

Augur of Bolas

Creature - Merfolk Wizard
When Augur of Bolas enters the battlefield, look at the top three cards of your library. You may reveal an instant or sorcery card from among them and put it into your hand. Put the rest on the bottom of your library in any order.

This deck is always trying to get card advantage, and Augy lets you dig for answers while putting up a decent wall. With as many lands as this deck runs, it sometimes backfires as you watch your next three lands go to the bottom. Fetches help in that regard.

 

Snapcaster Mage

Creature - Human Wizard
Flash
When Snapcaster Mage enters the battlefield, target instant or sorcery card in your graveyard gains flashback until end of turn. The flashback cost is equal to its mana cost. (You may cast that card from your graveyard for its flashback cost. Then exile it.)

Who hasn't heard of Snappy, or what he does? Taigo is ubiquitous in decks throughout the non-rotating formats, and snapping back a Cruel Ultimatum is one of the sublime pleasures in life.

 

Wurmcoil Engine

Artifact Creature - Wurm
Deathtouch, lifelink
When Wurmcoil Engine is put into a graveyard from the battlefield, put a 3/3 colorless Wurm artifact creature token with deathtouch and a 3/3 colorless Wurm artifact creature token with lifelink onto the battlefield.

Sometimes, you need a beatstick. 'Nuff said.

Often, by the time the late game rolls around, I'm teetering in the low single digits. The lifegain offered by this wurm and its spawn are a welcome respite. And who doesn't love ramming a big ol' honkin' wurm into the person across from you?

 

Buttlandery

 

If you're a regular reader, you know I love manlands. If you're not a regular reader, you know that little tidbit about me, too, now. Manlands have pulled my cojones out of the fire more times than I can count.

In the original versions, I used Lavaclaw Reaches and Creeping Tar Pit. The Pit is always a 3/2, but unblockable. The Claw is pumpable, and lets you use your untapped mana if/when you topdeck a land on Turn Nine.

Once I went Behind The Green Door, it also gave me access to what I think is the best and beefiest manland available: Raging Ravine.

Buttcrackery

Inquisition of Kozilek and Thoughtseize

Sorcery
Target player reveals his or her hand. You choose a nonland card from it with converted mana cost 3 or less. That player discards that card.


Sorcery
Target player reveals his or her hand. You choose a nonland card from it. That player discards that card. You lose 2 life.

Like Lightning Bolt for , any deck thast runs should run (Thougtseize). Inquisition of Kozilek is Thoughtseize's little brother, and falls into the same category. 

The biggest advantage these cards give you is information. Studying your opponent's opening hand, and sculpting it to your liking, is what determines how you're going to play the rest of this particular game. This is a slowball deck, but never forget that between Blightning, Electrolyze, Lightning Bolt, and Cruel Ultimatum, coupled with Snapcaster Mage shenanigans, you are essentially a "disruption and burn" deck with a sh... uhh... metric ton of control options.

You don't care if he has an Oblivion Ring, or Path to Exile, or any kind of board wipe. You're looking for stuff that will mess you up. Mana Leak? A Planeswalker? Disruption? Snapcaster Mage? These are all high on the candidate for discard list.

Is it an Infect deck? Do you have removal in hand or not? How much? Is there an Inkmoth Nexus visible? It's generally better to let him cast it and kill it when he tries to pump rather, giving you the two-for-one, than discarding it out the gate. But, if it's the lone critter in hand full of pump, feel free to dump it now.

Is it Zoo or Robots? If so, you're pretty much hosed unless you get nut draws. They're too quick, plain and simple. Pull a threat and pray you draw the nuts. R(x)DW is iffy, but doable, depending on what you see in their hand. R(x)DW runs out of gas fast. Obviously taking out 4 damage spells has a higher priority than 3 damage spells. For example, rip Boros Charm over Lightning Bolt. But if you can stay out of bolt range until Turn Four, you're pretty much golden.

You don't care if he has removal for your creatures. They do their job when they enter the battlefield. If they stick around, great, but their secondary function is to draw removal. You kinda want them in your graveyard anyway, because...

Cruel Ultimatum

Sorcery
Target opponent sacrifices a creature, discards three cards, then loses 5 life. You return a creature card from your graveyard to your hand, draw three cards, then gain 5 life.

You have no idea how good it feels, in the late game, after a long wrestling match, your opponent just swung with his one remaining critter, putting you in bolt range... he's tapped out, has three cards in hand... grinning that smug "I got you now" look... you've been casting nothing but CMC 1, 2, and 3 spells all game long... go...

tappity tap tap tappity tappity tap tap... WHAM!

This is the end target of the game plan. When you've reached the point of casting it, the life total and card advantage swing is generally enough for a concession. To put it mildly.

If they decide to stay around, cool! Two turns later, snap it back. Buh bye. What you're still here? I've had more than one game where I've ended up having to snap back both copies for the win.

Like I said, this deck thrives on late game.

At various points, I was playing with only one Ultimatum, and Nicol Bolas, Planeswalker taking the other slot. Also with 2 Ultimatums and Nikki. These all proved to be too clunky. Nikki costs , and there were too many times I wanted an Ultimatum and couldn't find one. Two Ultimatums and no Nikki seems to work out just right.

We have plenty of other nifty tools in our toolbox to help us along on our road to buttcrackery, as well!

Remand

Instant
Counter target spell. If that spell is countered this way, put it into its owner's hand instead of into that player's graveyard.
Draw a card.

There's not much I can say about Remand. It's the go to "soft" counter for Modern, and this deck is all about slowing your opponent down while you set up for the whammy.

The card draw, while not strictly card advantage, is close enough for government work. 

 

Spell Snare

Instant
Counter target spell with converted mana cost 2.

While I generally don't like conditional countermagic, the conditions to be met for this spell to be effective occur so frequently in Modern, it's almost the same thing as a hard counter. It isn't a hard counter.

It's also almost always a wha-Wha-WHAT?!?! With as many duals as this deck plays, and as little as this spell is played, opponents often pay no attention to a single untapped blue source. Much to their chagrin when they try a Turn Two Ajani's Pridemate, or try to counter your Turn Four Blightning.

The other "surprise" is Abrupt Decay

Abrupt Decay

Instant
Abrupt Decay can't be countered by spells or abilities.
Destroy target nonland permanent with converted mana cost 3 or less.

This is a sweet piece of tech. While only a singleton, this one card has proven itself to be quite the answer to situations I didn't have answers for before. I can't disrupt, or counter everything. It's nice to have an answer for Liliana of the Veil when some dork whips her out in the JFF room.

Or Intangible Virtue/Honor of the Pure. Or any one of a plethora of little enchantments and artifacts that abound.

This card is such a great answer, you'll notice that I keep the other three in the sideboard, along with an Overgrown Tomb to give myself more green sources. There's five green sources in the main now, including the manland. If I'm upping the green spells, I have to up my commitment in the manabase. I think it's worth it.

Speaking of the sideboard, what I've built is for the Just For Fun room, designed for the decks I see there. Obviously there would be many changes to make it more "competitive." I consider this a casual (albeit buttcrackish) deck designed to show off my online bling. 

 

 

Bad Moon Rising

Players, pairings, and results from Bad Moon Rising #1 can be found here.

Decklists and metagame from Bad Moon Rising #1 can be found here.

MUD
thewoof2, Bad Moon Rising #1 Runner-up
Creatures
1 Karn, Silver Golem
4 Lodestone Golem
1 Wurmcoil Engine
6 Creatures

Other Spells
4 Chalice of the Void
3 Crucible of Worlds
1 Mana Crypt
1 Mana Vault
2 Smokestack
1 Sol Ring
4 Sphere of Resistance
2 Staff of Nin
1 Black Lotus
1 Mox Sapphire
1 Mox Ruby
1 Mox Pearl
1 Mox Jet
1 Mox Emerald
4 Tangle Wire
4 Thorn of Amethyst
1 Trinisphere
33 Other Spells
Lands
4 Ancient Tomb
2 Dark Depths
2 Mishra's Factory
4 Mishra's Workshop
1 Strip Mine
3 Thespian's Stage
1 Tolarian Academy
4 Wasteland
21 Lands

Lodestone Golem

The other day I was thinking about this, and I estimate that I've run well over one thousand events since I started off with Saturday Night Melee and Tribal Apocalypse back in January of '11. I had covered as a host once or twice in each event over the 2010/11 Xmas/New Year holidays, so had some inkling of what I was setting myself up for.

In both cases, the decision was not community oriented, but simple greed: "this gets better (and more consistent) payout than playing." Since I couldn't really afford the cards I wanted with IRL money, it seemed like a no brainer. 

After running these things for a few months, I found out I really liked it, and went to town. Some of you might remember those years when I was running four to five tournaments a week, every week, 52 weeks a year.

Real life eventually intervened, and I had to cut back in early 2013. But I do still enjoy running these events.

It still shocks me as to how quickly these things fall into place sometimes. Those of you that follow me on Twitter have some idea just how quickly this thing went from thinking about it...

... to gettin' 'er dun!

 

So, with four days' notice, we held the inaugural event for what I hope will become a "classic."

I had committed to the Full Moon, and the next Full Moon was four days away, and during the Magic 2015 paper pre-release weekend. So I knew we'd have low numbers. This would allow me to work out any bugs with a minimum of disruption.

Good thing, too! Gatherling still does not recognise the Power 9 as legal cards (word to Dabil), so I had to explain the "replace your Power in the decklist (NOT ACTUAL DECK!) with an off color Basic Land, and make a note in the Comments section" workaround a few times. Not that I had to type it out each time; I have a text file of "event patter" that I copy & paste from.

I also had to keep a much closer eye on the pairings and standings than I normally do. Players, in general, can't be counted on to drop themselves on Gatherling after two losses. They tend to simply say "I had a good time! Thanks!" and leave. Which is not an issue, I just had to be diligent. Being German, that is not a problem. :)

Another thing that happened was that coming into Round Six, we had 1 undefeated, and 1 1-loss players. In the first match of this "final", the 1-loss player defeated the undefeated player, and there was rejoicing. But now we had two players with 1 loss. This is double elimination. You have to beat him twice! Yes. We went seven rounds. I had set Gatherling to go seven, and that turned out to be fortuitous. For the next event, on Aug 10, I believe I'm going to set it for 10. 

Also, I have to seriously rethink the time slot. Like I said, we did go seven rounds. That's a long time. I've also heard the shouts of a mob of angry Euro players brandishing pitchforks and torches surrounding my lair. Since August 10 is a Sunday, I am seriously considering making 1600UTC the "weekend" start time. No way will I start earlier than 830PM Eastern on a weeknight.

*throws puppy biscuits at the mob below from tower window*

 

Meta Madness
and
MTG TwitList News

PE Matchup Records

Google Docs does not like to display the entire chart. Click on it to open the actual chart in a new window.

To read the chart, simply choose the archetype you want to track in the first column, and read it across left to right to see its known results against other archetypes. The format is always W-L. I do not count "mirror matches".

Once I play catch up with two weeks of PTQ results, I'm going to include those matchups on the chart, as well. Usually, I can only pull the 1st/2nd. No one posts the brackets, just the results & decklists. Oh well. Still, the more data points, the better! Speaking of data points...

This is the chart I was talking a few weeks back, where I'm tracking the T8 results from the PEs over time. To view the complete interactive chart, simply click on this one.

Looking at this chart in the interactive view, where one can highlight (click on the colored box) and track each individual archetype, is showing me interesting things. I think. There are still entirely too few data points to even begin to tell if the things I think I'm seeing are actually things or the senile mirages of an old man. 


PTQ Roundup

I didn't get a chance to do much scouring, because of Bad Moon Rising, and various other factors. The PTQ season is taking a 2 week break for M15. I'll try to have a catch up here next week. I promise. I know I said that last week, but I mean it this time. Bad Moon is done for another month, and things have calmed down here enough that I can set aside some time and play catch up.

 

 

Random Gibberish

I guess the Spank The Slug segment went over like a lead balloon. I mean the common concept thereof, not the actual lead balloon made by Mythbusters. So I'm going to use this space to throw random gibberish at you. Be it in the form of poetry (most likely), video composition (maybe), rambling pointless stories (also likely). If you want to see something else, ask me. So there. Here we go...

 

I Had A Dream

I had a dream
She was coffee, I was cream
Delicious toffee, my Nubian princess
As our lips closed the distance
And our bodies came together
Clothing all became untethered
I ran my fingers through wiry hair
The alarm went off, I was holding air
Dammit

 

 

 

Overdrive!, which started on July 4th, 2011, is the original Modern format Player-Run Event! In fact, Overdrive! is even older than Modern, having started out as an event in the Overextended format. Overdrive! is a single elimination event: two men enter, one man leaves. Registration is done via Gatherling. You can find more information at the main event thread here.

 

 

Overdrive! #140
Players: 19
Champion: Robin88 / UR Delver
Runner up: call1me1dragon / Rock
Decklists and results from all Overdrive! events can be found here.  

 

Long absent Robin88 showed up with UR Delver in hand, ready  to Rock 'n' Roll! He rolled over Melira Pod, U Tron, Living End, and Rock to emerge as Ovcerdrive! #140 champ.

In the meantime, the Hat Trick Bounty remains unclaimed.
* A Hat Trick is three consecutive Overdrive! championships.

call1me1dragon brought Rock to the fray. Yeah, it was a rockin' event! Anyway, he rocked his way through Soul Sisters, UW Gifts Tron, and MBC Infect before delving to the depths of defeat.

 

 


BlippyTheSlug on MTGO
Blog: Read At Your Peril (NSFW!)

 

1 Comments

I haven't even finished by Joe Fiorini at Thu, 07/17/2014 - 16:59
Joe Fiorini's picture
5

I haven't even finished reading this yet, and I had to comment on how I love those full art cards.
And I love ministry. I got a reply from al on his facebook page, made me happy like a geeked out fan.