Ice cream is my nemesis.  Since I moved back closer to family I have realized that part of the essence of family is the phrase, "you want to go get some ice cream?"  Apparently that phrase can be uttered after anything: dinner, work, shopping, jazzercise, etc.  It wouldn't be that big of a problem if I could just say no.  I mean I thought I had graduated from that program as a third-grader on red ribbon day.  However the ice cream vendors must have an under the table deal with the education system in order to keep cold dairy treat off the list of controlled substances.  I can't fight it.  Ice cream is too powerful.  Be it a banana split blizzard or a scoop of world-class chocolate or a strawberry shake the result is the same: ice cream is the Death Star and I'm the Millennium Falcon. 

Pauper Burn may be the antithesis of ice cream but it too seems to have a hold on me.  Last week I sought to smash it by brewing up a Mystical Teachings decklist complete with Martyr of Sands recursion.  This week I decided to take the helm of the Red Deck (tm) myself. I began by tossing together the following seventy-five:

Burn Deck Wins

 

Creatures 4 Keldon Marauders 2 Spark Elemental 6 cards Other Spells 4 Lightning Bolt 4 Rift Bolt 4 Incinerate 4 Lava Spike 4 Needle Drop 4 Shard Volley 4 Fireblast 4 Firebolt 32 cards

Lands 22 Mountain 22 cards Sideboard 4 Molten Rain 4 Smash to Smithereens 4 Martyr of Ashes 3 Flaring Pain 15 cards

When I was tossing cards together in order to submit a decklist I didn't think too hard.  I wasn't sure how many lands I should be playing or if Needle Drop deserved inclusion.  Firebolt, Shard Volley, and Spark Elemental were all iffy to me as well.  When you're trying to reduce your opponent to 0 as quickly as possible you want to have a tight list and I knew my numbers were going to be off.  However the only way to figure out the changes that needed to be made was to hop into the 2-man queues.  I threw a sideboard together: Smash to Smithereens for Affinity, Molten Rain against Storm and doubling up against Affinity, Flaring Pain against CoP:Red and Prismatic Strands, and Martyr of Ashes for creature decks like Slivers and Goblins.  I wanted to get into the queues as quickly as possible.  With M10 boosters being purchased for 4 tix a mere .500 match win percentage will allow one to break even while scoring some Magic Player Reward points along the way.

One of the most persistent notions surrounding the Red Deck (tm) is that it makes for uninteresting games.  Whether you were slinging Orcish Librarian and Goblin Artillery, or Jackal Pup and Cursed Scroll, or Magus of the Scroll and Demigod of Revenge odds are people will tell you, "Red decks don't require thinking" or something along those lines.  However one of my first matches in the queue presented what I believe to be the most interesting video segment I've featured thus far:

In game two I kept Mountain, Rift Bolt, Rift Bolt, Keldon Marauders, Incinerate, Incinerate, Fireblast on the draw and didn't find a second land before it was too late.

Game Three

The third game is a good example of the chief problem I found with my initial list: too many of my lands ended up in the graveyard.  With a full four copies of Fireblast and Shard Volley I would often find myself unable to cast a burn spell while waiting on lands to use as fodder.  Furthermore Firebolt was a terrible choice as it was never going to be flashedback for .  22 lands felt like a sufficient number while also providing for a critical mass of burn spells.  Needle Drop was far better than I had given it credit for and felt for the most part as if it read: , cycle, deal one damage to target player.  I resolved to drop the underperforming Firebolt and shave the number of land sacrificing burn spells and arrived at the following:

Burn Deck Wins

 

Creatures 4 Keldon Marauders 3 Spark Elemental 7 cards Other Spells 4 Lightning Bolt 4 Rift Bolt 4 Incinerate 4 Lava Spike 4 Needle Drop 3 Shard Volley 4 Fireblast 4 Shock 31 cards

Lands 22 Mountain 22 cards Sideboard 4 Molten Rain 4 Smash to Smithereens 4 Martyr of Ashes 3 Flaring Pain 15 cards

I'm still not a huge fan of Spark Elemental and wonder if Volcanic Hammer with it's additional cost would be better.  The problem however is compounded when trying to decide whether Volcanic Hammer should be played over Thunderbolt which can be cast at instant speed and is stronger if a flyer must be removed.  Although I imagine if you're like me the difference between a two cent common and one that's a dollar and a half will make Volcanic Hammer look more attractive.  I'd also entertain the idea of playing 21 lands.  After playing several matches with BDW it is clear that while the Red Deck (tm) sometimes just gets there, several matchups seem far less than favorable.  The control decks have Tendrils of Corruption and Corrupt.  Mystical Teachings decks are popping up and sporting Aven Riftwatcher and a singleton Renewed Faith.  Even the MUC matchup wasn't what I thought it might be.  When the MUC player is able to bring in Hydroblast after sideboard the matchup certainly doesn't feel like the typical "burn beats blue control" bit.  And of course there is the nightmare of seeing this guy across the table

Leonin Squire signals you are in for a trashing courtesy of something like this:

Cogs

 

Creatures 4 Leonin Squire 4 Trinket Mage 3 Steamcore Weird 3 Mulldrifter 3 Aven Riftwatcher 3 Ninja of the Deep Hours 2 Sanctum Gargoyle 22 cards Other Spells 4 Momentary Blink 1 Sunbeam Spellbomb 1 Aether Spellbomb 1 Bonesplitter 1 Viridian Longbow 2 Pyrite Spellbomb 4 Skred 14 cards

Lands 1 Ancient Den 1 Great Furnace 10 Snow-Covered Island 6 Snow-Covered Plains 6 Snow-Covered Mountain 24 cards

I'm not too fond of BDW in its current form.  When it plays T1: 3dmg, T2: Keldon Marauders, T3: spell, Fireblast it is almost unbeatable.  However the deck has a clear target on its head and lifegain and other measures such as Prismatic Strands and Hallow can make many of your draws seem awkward.  I'd be interested in experimenting with something that moves more towards the Goblin lists with something along the lines of:

The idea here is to play recurring damage sources (aka creatures), stunt your opponent's mana development with a Stone Rain effect and finish them.  Drooling Ogre is terrible against Affinity and the Cogs deck, I know.  But you aren't going to beat the Cogs deck anyway and I believe a dead card against Affinity game one is worth having a 3/3 for against everything else.  The Goblin deck may very well just be better than this sort of a list since you can get awkward draws like Goblin Cohort into Mogg Flunkies into um Molten Rain, pass.  However Jackal Familiar into Mogg Flunkies or Drooling Ogre backed up by a single land destruction spell seems oftly good.  It's worth a try anyways.  I hope you log onto MTGO this week and enjoy a Pauper match or ten and be sure to hit up the 2-man queues while the gettin's good!

-- scoopphase on MTGO

Bonus Commander Video