The Accidental Player 4: The Colossopedia

By: Kumagoro42, Gianluca Aicardi
Apr 26 2014 12:00pm

Size matters! Even more when it's time to win a game through sheer creature power: the domain of the Colossal Fatties. We already defined what a colossal fattie is. Now let's see which ones deserve your fear, and which ones deserve your ridicule.

Definition: every single card in the game that puts on the battlefield a creature with total body 16 or more. The creature's body must clearly be stated on the card's rule text, and be certain, immediate and permanent (i.e. not depending on resources spent on it or specific game conditions, not requiring to be built over time, and not expiring at end of turn).
Number of cards: 86
What you need to know: Body is the Sum of Power and Toughness; the Rating is calculated on a scale from 0 to 10; the entries are ordered by increasing body, then power, then alphabetically.
Click HERE to go directly to the hypertextual list at the end with all the entries.
Click HERE to check all the latest additions.

Name: Avacyn, Angel of Hope >> summary
Set: Avacyn Restored
Type: Legendary Angel
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 8
General Evaluation: I love that Avacyn is an Angel as envisioned by a Vampire: wearing sexy black leather and some goth girl makeup (plus, she sports Sorin's signature white hair. Aww, she's all her dad!). Plus, she currently owns a record: she's the only monowhite colossal fattie. As for her power level, well, people like to remind us that indestructible isn't as fancy as it sounds, and it's true to some extent: many of the best removals across all formats don't really care about indestructibility. Still, Avacyn's impact on the battlefield is stronger than most, and it's up to the opponent to work around a suddenly indestructible side of the board. It's not the end of the game by all means, but it's something more than an annoyance. Especially if you quickly follow up with some one-sided sweeping mayhem. Plus, an 8/8 indestructible vigilant flyer for 8 gives you enough for your money.
Tribal Evaluation: I can see a copy of Avacyn showing up in Angel decks, especially the ones that aren't shy to use shenanigans to drop her as fast as they can. She maybe doesn't match her frenemy Griselbrand's strategical value, but she still has a purpose.
Commander Evaluation: Not a fast one, but the impact is all there.
Overall Rating: 9

Name: Avatar of Might >> summary
Sets: Prophecy, Tenth Edition
Type: Avatar
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 8
General Evaluation: Avatar of Might was Masques block's homage to the classic Force of Nature, trading the downside of a heavy (and risky) upkeep cost for a higher casting cost mitigated by the off-chance of a drastic reduction down to just two green mana. Of course the condition for this to happen isn't at all easy to attain, especially in green, and it's kinda counterintuitive: the only way to make Avatar of Might good would be by managing to cast it in the first turns for 2, but conspire to have the opponent get 4 creatures on the battlefield so early is both very challenging and potentially harmful. The modern emergence of other big tramplers in the same range cost of the original Force of Nature but with upsides rather than downsides (Terra Stomper) makes this more of an obsolete oddity, if not bad per se.
Tribal Evaluation: Avatars can do better than that, even in green (Oversoul of Dusk, Overbeing of Myth), which isn't their favorite color anyway.
Overall Rating: 4

Name: Avatar of Slaughter >> summary
Set: Commander
Type: Avatar
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 8
General Evaluation: At 8 mana, this dude is definitely going to be considered only as the target of some kind of cheat-into-play effect. As such, it doesn't do much by itself (it's an unprotected, unevasive yokel that has the downside of taking out your blockers), but it surely impacts the board immediately, causing your current creature host to double its threat level, potentially calling for an ultimate alpha attack. Of course, there are less complicated or dangerous ways to give double strike to all your creatures, but this can fit decently into a reanimation strategy. Plus, there are ways to play around the "all creatures must attack if able" edict (you can have a lot of defender creatures in your deck, for instance), and this bloodcrazed fella might actually help clearing the path for your own attack if you survive your opponent's turn, as it essentially causes all the non-vigilance, non-summoned sick creatures to end their turn tapped in a way or another. On the same lines, it may also force the opponent out of a stall and into a disadvantageous attack. Not great, but not just bad.
Tribal Evaluation: Avatars have usually a good offensive potential, and they like reanimation strategies. A single copy of this one might be the icing on your slaughterous cake.
Overall Rating: 6

Name: Boldwyr Heavyweights >> summary
Set: Morningtide
Types: Giant Warrior
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 4
General Evaluation: This looks like something a Johnny might reflect upon. Let's see, I'll have an 8/8 trampler for 4 on the board, and that's nice, and I maybe can find a way to exploit the fact that it allows my opponents to... err... search for their Emrakul and put it into play? Well, what if I find a way to have this come into play on MY opponent side instead? This way I'll be the one to search for Emrakul and... oh, whatever. And you know, Torpor Orb can nullify the downside, but I'd like my Torpor Orb combo to generate a little more punch than that. This can be at most a good card for noncompetitive, group hug, chaos-oriented Commander games. Maybe all my opponents will search for Emrakul at the same time, and I'll be the one left with a majestic trampler on the board! Yeah, or maybe not.
Tribal Evaluation: I seriously doubt both Giant decks and Warrior decks can find a serious use for these klutzes.
Overall Rating: 2

Name: Desecration Elemental >> summary
Set: Fifth Dawn
Type: Elemental
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 4
General Evaluation: Here's another extremely undercosted heavy beater, coming with a nice evasive ability and a terribly demanding downside. Sure, you might happen to have creatures you actually want to sacrifice. But after this joins the board, you'll have to sacrifice a LOT of stuff. Either you have some crazy board status like four Academy Rectors, two Archon of Justice and one False Prophet (and in that case, I'd still suggest to pack Damnation over this thing), or you're really a fan of Masoch, since you'll hardly even manage to attack once with your emo elemental. I heard of better sacrifice outlets, and faster ways to concede the game.
Tribal Evaluation: Elemental is too big a tribe to care for its disadvantaged members.
Overall Rating: 1

Name: Dread Cacodemon >> summary
Set: Commander
Type: Demon
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 10
General Evaluation: The ETB effect is certainly powerful, as you get a one-side sweeper. But there's the annoying clause of having to hardcast it for the destruction to take place, and this means no cheating into play (it'll be just an 8/8 vanilla if you try and reanimate it), and 10 full mana needed, which is a bit too much. Especially considering that for mysterious balancing reasons (I've just paid T-E-N mana, dude!), they don't want for you to be able to attack into your opponent's just cleared field, since your other creatures will be tapped by the Cacodemon, and it doesn't even have haste. All in all, why you should put this one in your deck when you can pay 1 mana less for Plague Wind and potentially win in the same turn? It might still be decent in Commander, for redundancy purposes.
Tribal Evaluation: Even with the help of Cabal Coffers, Demon decks have better ways to mess with the creatures on the board (Carnifex Demon, Pestilence Demon).
Overall Rating: 5

Name: Force of Nature >> summary
Sets: from Alpha to Fifth Edition, Ninth Edition
Type: Elemental
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 6
General Evaluation: It's a piece of MTG history. And now it entirely belongs to the past, since Terra Stomper made it entirely and embarrassingly obsolete (while still not being a terribly good card by current standards, by the way). Yet Force of Nature will always have a place in every old school Timmy's heart. (And in the heart of fans of Alan Moore's Swamp Thing, as Douglas Schuler apparently was at the time).
Tribal Evaluation: Elemental is too big a tribe to care for its retired members.
Overall Rating: 0

Name: Fusion Elemental >> summary
Set: Conflux
Type: Elemental
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 5
General Evaluation: Very flavorful creature from Conflux, and one of the only 6 non-rare cards in this category. No much more to be said about it. Casting it for 5 by just dropping lands is hard, if you use stuff like Crystal Quarry you just end up with an 8/8 vanilla for 6, and if you really need a penta-colored creature for combo reasons, Transguild Courier is a faster drop, Horde of Notions impacts the board more, and Child of Alara is actually useful.
Tribal Evaluation: Elemental is too big a tribe to care for its meaningless members.
Overall Rating: 1

Name: Godsire >> summary
Set: Shards of Alara
Type: Beast
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 8
General Evaluation: With Godsire, we find ourselves in the realm of those green creatures too expensive to be used as a regular drop, but interesting enough to be considered as a Natural Order or reanimation target. Timmy would surely love to have an active Godsire on the field, sprouting lesser copies of himself again and again (by the way, he's apparently able to "sire" without a female, which is weird). Johnny would even try and concoct some cool interactions with untapping effects and token duplicators. But even the smallest trace of a Spike would be enough to immediately dismiss all of this in virtue of the simple fact that, even without involving Progenitus, just the other green members of this very cycle (Empyrial Archangel, Hellkite Overlord) would make more sense in his place. Still, it's not a totally bad card in itself, and it's surely nice in casual environments with not too many removals around.
Tribal Evaluation: A Beast deck using Natural Order might try one of them, just for fun, or for Æther Charge's sake.
Overall Rating: 6

10.

Name: Grief Tyrant >> summary
Set: Shadowmoor
Type: Horror
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 6
General Evaluation: Another uncommon colossal fattie, and one that's not entirely useless. It explicitly asks to be put in a "-1/-1 counters matter" kind of deck. Except it's not so explosive at that, with its Titan-level casting cost and utter lack of other abilities. Sure, it might chump block one 4/4 and kill another, but it's not exactly something to write home about. Under a Melira regime, it becomes an 8/8 vanilla for 6. Exciting, uh?
Tribal Evaluation: Black Horror for 6? I want to bet this isn't the best option.
Overall Rating: 5

11.

Name: Grove of the Guardian >> summary
Set: Return to Ravnica
Type: Elemental Token
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 6 (special)
General Evaluation: Admittedly, an 8/8 with vigilance (and flash, I guess) for 6 mana isn't particularly exciting, even if it's sort of an improved Risen Sanctuary. Add to that that you also need two creatures already on the battlefield, and untapped, in order to summon this up. And to sacrifice a land. But that's the key: it is, de facto, a land turning itself into a colossal token, and providing mana until that point, if of the colorless variety. Still nothing to cry miracle about, but a possible nice complement of any deck that doesn't mind yet another colorless source: Grove of the Guardian will just stay there, unassumingly doing its mana-producing job, until that moment when you'll need it on the warring side of things, so it'll find the nearest phone booth (or whatever a sentient mass of vegetation does) and change itself into fighting shape.
Overall Rating: 6

12.

Name: Hellkite Overlord >> summary
Set: Shards of Alara
Type: Dragon
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 8
General Evaluation: One of the most accessorized dragons out there, if not the most accessorized ever. It has pretty much everything you might ask to a dragon: flying, trample, haste, firebreathing, regenerate. Obviously not intended to be hardcasted, it's a serious alternative to Progenitus as a Natural Order target, and a decent reanimation target overall, since it's capable to end the game from nowhere with a single attack, which is nothing to sneeze at.
Tribal Evaluation: It's good in Dragon decks that include tricks to put the giant reptiles into play. Also a minor staple in Dragonstorm decks.
Overall Rating: 8

13.

Name: Hydra Omnivore >> summary
Set: Commander
Type: Hydra
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 6
General Evaluation: This one is difficult to evaluate, because it does next to nothing in one-on-one games, but it's really good in multi. This is the creature that, along with player, especially in free-for-all games with more than 2 opponents, where you'll have good chances to find at least one of them open for a global-punishing attack. For just 6 mana, it's a very good deal, and it's also a bit of a political card (you can negotiate attacks towards a player with the actual goal of taking out the one who's dominating the board and can't be directly damaged).
Tribal Evaluation: Of course, in regular Tribal games, it's nothing more than its vanilla beater self, yet a body 16 for 6 may still be a decent investment in a Hydra deck, where it's likely you have to spend 8 in average for the same thing.
Overall Rating: 3 (one-on-one), 7 (multiplayer)

14.

Name: Hypnox >> summary
Set: Torment
Types: Nightmare Horror
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 11
General Evaluation: The biggest in the Odyssey block's cycle of Nightmare creatures (Faceless Butcher, Petravark, Worldgorger Dragon, etc.) that remove stuff entering the battlefield and give them back when they leave. The ultimate hand disruption granted by Hypnox makes it scary enough, and as a black 8/8 isn't so easy to immediately deal with it, especially if the opponent can't react on the fly to its arrival. It's also an evasive beater, which gives it a function of finisher in control decks. Of course, its cost requires a big ramp (like multiple Cabal Coffers), since it comes with a clause that prevents reanimation and any other cheat-into-play effects, which is the reason why its rating can't be too high.
Tribal Evaluation: Horror decks probably don't bother, but it can be the big brother in the right Nightmare deck.
Overall Rating: 6

15.

Name: Iname as One >> summary
Set: Saviors of Kamigawa
Type: Legendary Spirit
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 12
General Evaluation: This card is the epitome of the anti-power creep nature of Kamigawa. The 2-for-1 effect of it coming to play is surely strong, but the card goes to great lengths to ensure that you absolutely have to hardcast it in order to get an 8/8 vanilla and a potentially stronger other Spirit (plus eventually a Spirit back from the graveyard, but only once, lest you might find a way to abuse it!). We're talking 12 mana here, of which 4 colored, with two different colors involved. It becomes so clunky to the point of making you lose any interest in the interaction itself. You would be probably better off just using a tutor in its place (say, Primal Command, then pay the regular cost of the other Spirit.
Tribal Evaluation: A Spirit deck that tries and breaks this guy (who I'd affectionately rename "Inane as None") is a brave Spirit deck indeed. Yet not a very smart one.
Commander Evaluation: Just like I sadly found out for Myojin of Life's Web, using this thing as a commander equals to having a big vanilla dork, since those effects don't trigger from the commander zone. There's really no way for it to make even a little bit of sense.
Overall Rating: 3

16.

Name: Khalni Hydra >> summary
Set: Rise of the Eldrazi
Type: Hydra
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 8
General Evaluation: Khalni Hydra, the only non-Eldrazi colossal fattie from Rise of the Eldrazi, is a deceitful card. You look at it and you just think, "Wow, that's a way to have an 8/8 trampler for free!". And you're right, you can do that. In the right deck, though: you need to engineer the presence of the Hydra accurately, since you don't want to just have a couple of mana dude on the board, to just end up with another strictly worse Terra Stomper. You need a serious and relevant proliferation of green creatures in the early turns. Also, you better build your deck so that the fact that you're dropping the Hydra using few or no resources really means something for your strategy (otherwise you just ramped up trough permanents you don't have to tap). This said, as far as the 16-body green tramplers go, Khalni Hydra's angle makes it interesting. And it's also Primalcrux's best friend.
Tribal Evaluation: Weirdly enough, one of the better known Hydras isn't so good in Hydra decks, since they can rarely afford to have a big crowd on the board to make the Khalni's cost reduction relevant.
Overall Rating: 7

17.

Name: Liege of the Tangle >> summary
Set: Scars of Mirrodin
Types: Elemental
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 8
General Evaluation: You have to look at Liege of the Tangle closely to really get how bad it is (not just because it's Mythic; that's not something we're really evaluating here). Timmy got all excited the first time he read its text. And there's surely some casual game where you drop it, it lives to see your next turn, connects, turns a bunch of lands into (non-trampling) 8/8s, and another turn later you make a potentially game-ender, splashy alpha attack. See how I said "casual"? Now, let's just imagine it within a slightly more competitive deck. The unlikely scenario I just depicted becomes more of an issue, especially because we're talking about an 8cc creature, so you're either ramping very hard or using cheat spells like Natural Order or a discard/reanimate strategy. And at that point, what are the odds that you'll find better targets? Maybe something that has some chances to stick around or impact the board immediately? Also, unlike Godsire, this Liege isn't even good at interacting with other cards. It might just make a viable finisher in Commander, provided that you're not afraid that a creature sweeper will take out all the transformed lands before you even get to put their colossal state to some use.
Tribal Evaluation: Elemental is a REALLY big tribe with some great members. Unfortunately for Liege of the Tangle.
Overall Rating: 5

18.

Name: Lorthos, the Tidemaker >> summary
Set: Zendikar
Type: Legendary Octopus
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 8
General Evaluation: Lorthos deserves a modicum of respect. True, it's a big investment for a blue creature without any kind of protection. True, it's clunky. True, you can still find better reanimation or Show and Tell targets (especially because playing it when your mana base doesn't support its ability is meaningless). But when it's online, it's not just your regular, unevasive colossal fattie trying to clumsily connect with the opponent. If Lorthos gets to attack with 8 available mana, it's pretty much good game. And that's definitely something you can't say of any creature in this list. Actually, it's something that put Lorthos on the same league as the Eldrazi titans and a few others. And if you ever experienced having Lorthos on your side and attacking (I used to include a copy of it in my pretty successful Mass Polymorph ramp deck for Two-Headed Giant), you already know the sheer sensation of power it emanates, not to mention the befuddled expression on your opponent's face: "Am I seriously losing because of... this thing?!". If you manage to do it, it's Timmy's revenge, in a way. The ridiculous, impossible oddity that could.
Tribal Evaluation: Octopus is barely a tribe unfortunately, since there are only Lorthos and a 3/3 vanilla for 4 (Giant Octopus from Portal). However, they're featured in Quest for Ula's Temple along with their most successful cousins, Leviathans and Krakens. So you can still slip a lonely Lorthos within your "Creatures from the Abyss" (casual) deck.
Commander Evaluation: Monoblue Lorthos, that would be something. Too bad blue doesn't ramp too well, and 8 permanents don't really paralyze the board in Commander.
Overall Rating: 7

19.

Name: Marjhan >> summary
Set: Homelands
Type: Leviathan
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 7
General Evaluation: Even just looking at Marjhan's art and layout is positively painful. Thinking about playing with it is something that could have a permanent effect on your sanity. Once upon a time, Magic R&D was trying really hard to communicate this concept: Leviathans (Marjhan started as a Serpent, then got retconned) are so big, so large, so unbelievable huge, that you don't actually get to use them on the battlefield at all. Because you didn't: every old-time Leviathan was like the definition of unplayable. For starters, they all had Islandhome (a keyword they would eventually discontinue, because it was a case where a flavor text had become a rule). Meaning that they needed Islands in play on both sides in order to attack and/or merely survive. Plus, like Marjhan, they didn't untap (they're sooo big and heavy!). You had to pay absurd untapping costs usually involving terrible sacrifices just to have your oversized mollusk untapped (in this sense, Marjhan might just be the worst sacrifice outlet ever). And in the case of Marjhan, what you get at the end of the day is an 8/8 vanilla that you aren't even sure it will get to attack. Ah, but there's another amazing ability too (you keep reading that huge text, and it gets worse at each line!): you can pay two blue mana and weaken your big seafood platter until the end of the turn in order to do 1 damage to a non-flying attacker. Think about it: it was a non-flyer, so Marjhan could have just blocked it, inflicting its full 8 damage to it. You choose to pay 2 mana for each damage you would do for free by just blocking instead! Oh yeah, it's useful against unblockable creatures. I suggest you to try it against an infect deck with Blighted Agent.
Tribal Evaluation: C'mon, let's be serious. Leviathans are a good tribe now that Homelands is just a hilariously bad memory of the time when Magic was on the verge of becoming "Do you remember that card game people used to play circa 1995? What was its name again?".
Overall Rating: 0

20.

Name: Moldgraf Monstrosity >> summary
Set: Innistrad
Type: Insect
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 7
General Evaluation: In his evaluation of Innistrad, Lord Erman rightfully said that this card could be a valuable Birthing Pod station if the rest of the block would give that archetype a playable 8-mana drop, as both Liege of the Tangle and Vorinclex aren't interesting enough for Pod decks (in the meantime, Dark Ascension added Ghoultree, which could play into the deck's overall strategy, but as a 10/10 vanilla is still pretty unexciting). He was talking about a Standard environment, though. It's worth looking at which 8cc targets the other eternal formats, and especially Modern, have to offer in order to push a Pod player into exploiting the alluring recursion of this trampler. Well, let's just say that the situation for Modern Pod decks is very different: first of all, we have Terastodon and Woodfall Primus, and these alone should be enough to approve Moldgraf Monstrosity's not-bad status. But we can add all sorts of strong options as a top-of-the-curve creature: Empyrial Archangel, Hellkite Overlord, Bogardan Hellkite, Sphinx of the Steel Wind, both Akromas, Sundering Titan. Hell, even Kederekt Leviathan can be useful as an emergency reset button. So, it's not that sacrificing the Monstrosity to the pod would fetch nothing good in Modern. At the same time, though, there's another issue: we also have brilliant 7cc stations to compete with it. Not counting the stuff that we'd want to stick around, like Elesh or Sheoldred, we have Rune-Scarred Demon, Avenger of Zendikar, Regal Force, Pelakka Wurm, and Tornado Elemental. And most of all, we have Protean Hulk, that does what Moldgraf Monstrosity does, only infinitely better. So, yeah, it appears that this dude, while being somehow decent in its own right (it still comes with kind of an anti-sweeper ability, after all), will have to wait and see if Standard Pod can find a reason to really need its services in the near future.
Tribal Evaluation: It's an Insect, which is interesting because as a tribe they don't have many real fatties. This is indeed the current fattiest, with the second highest cost after Living Hive. Still, there are a couple of other high-CMC Insects which looks more appealing, especially as Natural Order and Recurring Nightmare targets, namely Gleancrawler and Hornet Queen. This poor guy is really doomed to be surpassed everywhere, isn't it?
Overall Rating: 6

21.

Name: Myojin of Life's Web >> summary
Set: Champions of Kamigawa
Type: Legendary Spirit
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 9
General Evaluation: Another case of Kamigawa block's "You shall not cheat" annoyance. Yet the Myojin cycle features some of the most interesting creatures with the "hardcasting only" clause, as the effects they produce are never negligible. Plus, they are indestructible gods until then, and that's always a welcomed bonus (not to mention that the divinity counter allows to be duplicated or manipulated in several ways). In the case of Life's Web, what we get is a one-sided Eureka, which might account for something spectacular in the right deck. I once built a deck I still fondly remember where Grozoth would tutor up a rainbow of pals: Blazing Archon, Spirit of the Night, Furnace Dragon, Nullstone Gargoyle, and this one, which would then drop the whole merry company into the battlefield in the following turn (Iona, Inkwell Leviathan, and Artisan of Kozilek may join the gang too). All in all, a good Commander card, like all of its Myojin siblings.
Tribal Evaluation: Spirit decks don't usually ramp high enough to hardcast a 9-mana creature, but you never know.
Commander Evaluation: Not a bad way to build a green ramp deck. It might be actually nice to play. Except I tried, and damn, it doesn't work: the Commander is never played "from your hand" (unless you somehow bounce it from the battlefield and re-cast it). Stupid rules, preventing me from playing a nice deck!
Overall Rating: 7

22.

Name: Phyrexian Colossus >> summary
Sets: Urza's Saga, Seventh Edition, Eighth Edition
Type: Golem
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 7
General Evaluation: Urza block's due take on the classic Colossus of Sardia from Antiquities. It's harder to block, but its untap cost is even more demanding, if somehow easier to pay. And while there's plenty of good ways to untap an artifact (with Voltaic Key or something like that), there are surely a lot of better reanimation or Tinker targets too, not to mention a number of better artifact creatures to hardcast for 7. And even if you just wanted a way to bring down your life total for some shenanigan-related reason, you'll just have to drop Hex Parasite and click on it a few more times.
Tribal Evaluation: Definitely not the most sought-after Golem.
Overall Rating: 3

23.

Name: Phyrexian Soulgorger >> summary
Set: Coldsnap
Type: Snow Construct
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 3
General Evaluation: Now, this sure is fast. A 3-mana artifact is actually very easy to drop as soon as turn 1. Except you don't want to do that with the Soulgorger, because its upkeep cost says it will be dead before making even a single attack. With a fast token generator like, say, Bitterblossom you could manage to swing a couple of times with it. Even better, you can try and cast it along with Lightning Greaves, and even in the first turn, with some Legacy shenanigans involving a starting hand that features Ancient Tomb, two Grim Monoliths, and one Voltaic Key. But would it be worth it? Let's see, you can swing for 8 out of nowhere, then it will likely be gone. It's like a colorless Ball Lightning, which is good. But without trample, which is bad. And needing another card to get hasted, meaning another card to even do something at all, which is terrible. And if you really can and/or want to sacrifice stuff in geometric progression, maybe you can find something with a little more impact than a vanilla beater, or a sacrifice outlet that also does something useful. But hey, it's a Coldsnap card, which means it's purposely weird, and it's a snow permanent, something that's still more cute than actually relevant.
Tribal Evaluation: Within a tribe like Constructs, which arguably includes the best artifact creatures of the game, you need more than that to stand a chance.
Overall Rating: 5

24.

Name: Plated Slagwurm >> summary
Set: Mirrodin
Type: Wurm
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 7
General Evaluation: When we drop a colossal fattie, either by hardcasting it, or more probably through some sort of cheat into play effect such as Natural Order, Show and Tell, or a reanimation spell, the first thing we wish is for our resources to not be immediately wasted by an opponent removal. Therefore, some form of protection against that, like shroud or hexproof, is the basic element when evaluating a colossal fattie's overall quality. Plated Slagwurm is essentially a big body that your opponents can't target, and while there are a few colossal fatties able to do better than that by adding evasive abilities to the same package (Empyrial Archangel, Inkwell Leviathan, Simic Sky Swallower, and of course Progenitus), this wurm is still in that league. More so, it's the largest creature with hexproof rather than shroud, and this might be relevant for a decisive alpha strike. Being just a Rancor short of creating a very problematic clock is still something to be accounted for, especially for a green creature.
Tribal Evaluation: Wurms make a good colossal tribe with several interesting members that compete for space at the highest spots of the curve, but Plated Slagwurm is among those who have something to say about that.
Overall Rating: 8

25.

Name: Platinum Emperion >> summary
Set: Scars of Mirrodin
Type: Golem
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 8
General Evaluation: The comparison is pretty much called for by Platinum Emperion being Scars of Mirrodin's callback to Mirrodin's Platinum Angel. Downsides of the Golem: it doesn't protect against alternative win conditions; it blocks your lifegaining effects, and also all the effects that ask you to surrender life (you can't pay a fetch land's activation cost anymore, which is huge); it doesn't double as an evasive beater; it doesn't allow for low life or negative life shenanigans; it invites the opponent to stop attacking, possibly resulting in a stall situation; it costs 1 mana more. Upsides of the Golem: it doesn't cause you to instantly die when it dies, as the opponent can't bring you to negative life and then wait for a removal; it doesn't die as easily to burn spells and can safely block; it swings for 8. All in all, I'm with the Angel, but the big guy isn't a bad alternative.
Tribal Evaluation: Golem decks might want to round up the top-of-the curve count with one of these, even if the competition at 8 mana is with great stuff like Bosh, Iron Golem and Sundering Titan.
Overall Rating: 8

26.

Name: Primeval Force >> summary
Sets: Portal, Eighth Edition
Type: Elemental
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 5
General Evaluation: Yeah, I so want to sacrifice 3 lands and give my opponent the chance to do a 4-for-1. And for what? An 8/8 vanilla for 5? We're approaching Wood Elemental levels here. Move along, please. Nothing to be seen here.
Tribal Evaluation: Elemental is a big tribe. Probably that's because they dump a lot of garbage there.
Overall Rating: 1

27.

Name: Quilled Slagwurm >> summary
Set: Mirrodin Besieged
Type: Wurm
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 7
General Evaluation: Uncommon vanilla beater. Limited fodder. Done.
Tribal Evaluation: Quilled Slagwum is always being picked last when Wurms choose teams.
Overall Rating: 2

28.

Name: Risen Sanctuary >> summary
Set: Return to Ravnica
Type: Elemental
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 7
General Evaluation: The only thing that separates this Elemental from vanilladom is vigilance. Which is nice. But not enough for 7 mana. I know, it's uncommon and all. Still not enough.
Tribal Evaluation: Voted "Most Unlikely to Succeed" in its high school yearbook.
Overall Rating: 3

29.

Name: Sekki, Seasons' Guide >> summary
Set: Saviors of Kamigawa
Type: Legendary Spirit
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 8
General Evaluation: I always found this guy truly fascinating. Its ability isn't as strong as the one of the Phantoms from Judgment, but the fact that it disassembles and reassembles coming back from the graveyard is a cool design. Bonus point for all the shenanigans it can do with Doubling Season.
Tribal Evaluation: A possible top-of-the-curve alternative target for Selesnya-colored Lifespinner decks, after Yosei and maybe even Oyobi, Who Split the Heavens.
Commander Evaluation: Sekki as a Commander of a token/counter deck, maybe? Experiment Kraj would still be better for that, because blue helps these shenanigans, but Sekki can safely go to the graveyard rather than back to the Commander zone, and this might be something worth exploring. I know there's a combo to be found there.
Overall Rating: 7

30.

Name: Sky Swallower >> summary
Set: Guildpact
Type: Leviathan
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 5
General Evaluation: Ok, this is absolutely unplayable under normal circumstances, and mildly interesting with Torpor Orb in play. A blue 8/8 flyer for 5 has to be good, right? Well, it's not when you can have a colorless 9/8 flyer for 4, unless you really want a second playset of finishers for your Orb deck.
Tribal Evaluation: Leviathan decks already need a lot of techs to properly function, they surely don't want to have to deal with Torpor Orb shenanigans as well.
Overall Rating: 4

31.

Name: Spectral Force >> summary
Set: Time Spiral
Types: Elemental Spirit
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 5
General Evaluation: Apparently, 8/8 trampler is the go-to figure as far as green colossal fatties are concerned. Force of Nature's imprinting and all. This variant has a lower cost, which should make it interesting, and a downside that requires either an opponent playing black (and not a control build, very likely), or some kind of way to untap creatures. The black route is clearly moot: you can't put this into your deck and just hope some black permanent will show up; and you certainly will not try and make all permanent blacks just for the sake of this vaporous guy, unless you have other reasons to do so (in which case you might even consider to include Spectral Force as your mid-range beater). As a sideboard card is also pretty lame, because you want to bring in stuff that actively hoses black (say, Great Sable Stag or Phantom Centaur), rather than stuff that's just not hosed by it. You can try and build an "untap matters" deck, with enablers like Quirion Ranger and Scryb Ranger and other relevant interactions. I suspect these interactions will end up taking the room of Spectral Force too, but let's not bash it too much, since it's still a moderately playable heavy beater in mid-range mana.
Tribal Evaluation: Elemental and Spirit are BOTH big tribes, and BOTH can do better and more easily playable things for 5 mana.
Overall Rating: 5

32.

Name: Stormtide Leviathan >> summary
Sets: Magic 2011, Magic 2013
Type: Leviathan
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 8
General Evaluation: This is the creature that, along with Inkwell Leviathan, cemented the fact that the age of the unplayable Islandhome dork is really over, and modern Leviathans make for one of the best colossal tribes in the game. Indeed, Stormtide is pretty much the diametric opposite of the old Leviathans: where they couldn't attack without Islands on the enemy side, this one puts Islands on the enemy side (so helping its senile grandfathers too), and it's unblockable. But there's more: it prevents non-flyers without Islandwalk to attack at all. The only thing that it lacks is some kind of protection, but if it sticks around, it means that the opponent has just a few turns to deal with it, and you'll be mostly safe from attacks in the meantime. That's the type of impact you have to expect from contemporary colossal fatties.
Tribal Evaluation: Definitely one of the Leviathans you want in your Leviathan deck.
Overall Rating: 8

33.

Name: Terra Stomper >> summary
Set: Zendikar
Type: Beast
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 6
General Evaluation: This guy has been mentioned several times in other evaluations, as it represents some kind of modern day parameter: it costs the same as Force of Nature, it does the same as Force of Nature, but it doesn't have Force of Nature's downside. Even better, it has another upside instead: it's uncounterable. All in all, it's a good creature. And yet, it clashes with a different modern day parameter for 6cc creatures: Primeval Titan. And sadly, Terra Stomper can't compete for that niche. In another era, it would have been huge. Today, it's forgettable (and mostly forgotten, actually).
Tribal Evaluation: It's a Beast, and competition in Beast decks isn't easy as well: in the same range and color you have Feral Throwback and Rampaging Baloths already.
Overall Rating: 6

34.

Name: Tromokratis >> summary
Set: Born of the Gods
Type: Legendary Kraken
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 7
General Evaluation: So they can't kill him as long as he's not doing anything bad. More or less (you can always put Sinstriker's Will on him!). And on the other hand, if you do attack with him, forfeiting hexproof for a while, he turns into either removal or a fast clock. It's all a bit clunky, but oh well, at least he's a Kraken who doesn't obsess about islands.
Tribal Evaluation: Kraken isn't a large tribe. They take all they get.
Commander Evaluation: Honestly, he doesn't look like your go-to mono-blue commander, does he? And yet I'm pretty sure someone, somewhere, is brewing a deck around him.
Overall Rating: 6

35.

Name: Ulamog's Crusher >> summary
Set: Rise of the Eldrazi
Type: Eldrazi
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 8
General Evaluation: It's hard to judge Ulamog's Crusher, because for an Eldrazi, it's cheap, but if you consider it as a regular creature, it's still an 8-mana dude, even if being colorless helps a lot as far as hardcasting is concerned. It can't block (except for the turn it comes into play), and sometimes you'll wish it could. It's also easy to block, yet 2 is the quota from which annihilator starts to be really relevant, so what this guy does is very likely being an engine that makes the opponent sacrifice 3 permanents per turn (two to annihilator, one to block it), to double later as a finisher with a pretty fast clock, if it sticks. While surely impressive, you have to compare it to the other Eldrazi, since a deck that's able to ramp to 8 colorless mana will be able to ramp to 9 too at least (and that's Artisan of Kozilek mana), if not even 10 (and that's Kozilek himself). Still, the high rating comes from a different consideration: as the only common colossal fattie of this list, the Crusher has quickly become a pauper staple, and in that world, it's the hugest and scariest of all.
Tribal Evaluation: Not very recommended for Eldrazi builds: you'll surely have ways to cheat your guys into play, and even without maximizing the Eldrazi titans (which you should), you still have Artisan of Kozilek, Pathrazer of Ulamog, and It That Betrays as better choices. If you want faster Eldrazi, play the Drones.
Overall Rating: 8

36.

Name: Xanthic Statue >> summary
Set: Weatherlight
Type: Golem (after activation)
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 8
General Evaluation: A noncreature colossal fattie is a good concept for sure, and Xanthic Statue should fit nicely in a frequently sweeping control deck. Too bad we have plenty of great man-lands these days, and if spending 5 to activate an 8/8 trampler isn't so bad, having to devote deck slots to an 8-mana artifact is.
Overall Rating: 5

37.

Name: Zhou Yu, Chief Commander >> summary
Set: Portal Three Kingdoms
Types: Legendary Human Soldier
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 7
General Evaluation: This guy is not online, but I think nobody noticed (or cares). He's an 8/8 vanilla for 7, just like Quilled Slagwurm. Only he's rare, blue, and as the only Human in this list (and the only Soldier, for that matter), he's a baffling flavor oddity. How does a Human manage to be an 8/8? He's not even a great warrior, doesn't show any martial ability: he's not particularly fast, or skillful, or overwhelming. He's just... really really strong? (Like many other Portal Three Kingdoms legends, he's a real historical figure, known to be a brilliant strategist, not a carnival strongman.) And for some baffling reason, he can't even attack without Islands on the opponent's side. He thinks he's a Leviathan! Whatever, none of us will ever play with him anyway. Even his flavor test is about him dying alone.
Tribal Evaluation: Yeah, I'm sure both Human decks and Soldier decks look forward to add this amazing weapon to their small, limited arsenal.
Commander Evaluation: My God, no!
Overall Rating: 1

38.

Name: Zodiac Dragon >> summary
Set: Portal Three Kingdoms
Type: Dragon
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 9
General Evaluation: Wait, is this (inexplicably) a Dragon that doesn't fly? Is this (even more inexplicably) an 8/8 vanilla for 9? Oh yeah, right, it's not vanilla. It recurs. In your hand. Can I get out of here, please?
Tribal Evaluation: The other Dragons don't even consider him to be part of the same tribe.
Overall Rating: 2

39.

Name: Greater Gargadon >> summary
Sets: Time Spiral, Modern Masters
Type: Beast
Body: 16
Converted Mana Cost: 10
General Evaluation: Greater Gargadon deserves a lot of respect, because it's the centerpiece for a number combos. From its suspended seat among the Blind Eternities, this red Beast is the ultimate sacrifice outlet. The best way to exploit it is to tap your mana, erase your side of the table, then cast Balancing Act, ending up with a sidereal void dominated by a 9/7 finisher. Or else you can tap everything, sac everything, then play Second Sunrise. Have fun with your hungry beast.
Tribal Evaluation: It's definitely a build-around-me card, but you can definitely build around it a nice Beast deck (Anurid Brushhopper says hello too). And with "nice", I actually mean "nasty".
Overall Rating: 8

40.

Name: Sundering Titan >> summary
Set: Darksteel
Type: Golem
Body: 17
Converted Mana Cost: 8
General Evaluation: A truly classic creature with a great destructive effect that could cause the demise of most multi-colored decks that rely heavily on dual lands. It was a staple in traditional reanimation decks, especially with Goblin Welder, the strong effect is triggered by the Titan leaving the battlefield too. If your deck is accurately built, you will not lose any land while crippling the opponent. Plus, when all is said and done, it's a good finisher and an even better defender (and that's relevant, because with all the switching back and forth from the graveyard, it will often find itself untapped in your opponent's turn).
Tribal Evaluation: Even when it's not abused, it's still worth including. Plus, Bosh can sacrifice it to do 8 damage AND trigger its effect again. Sweet, isn't it?
Overall Rating: 8

41.

Name: Eater of Days >> summary
Set: Darksteel
Type: Leviathan
Body: 17
Converted Mana Cost: 4
General Evaluation: Now, this is the colossal fattie you want for your Torpor Orb combo deck: big, evasive, hard to block, and super-cheap. Too bad it's utterly unplayable outside of the combo (before the Orb existed, people used one-shot spells like Stifle or Trickbind to counter its trigger). But at least it has a home.
Tribal Evaluation: It's an artifact Leviathan. Leviathan decks probably wouldn't bother to include Torpor Orb just for it, but it's still an option.
Overall Rating: 7

42.

Name: Inkwell Leviathan >> summary
Set: Conflux
Type: Leviathan
Body: 18
Converted Mana Cost: 9
General Evaluation: All hail the big, fat, trampling, possibly unblockable (especially if its clever brother is around), and most of all untargetable fattie of the day! Inkwell Leviathan is without doubt one of the best reanimation and Show and Tell targets in the game. And it's an artifact too, meaning that Goblin Welder and Kuldotha Forgemaster love it as well.
Tribal Evaluation: You're making a Leviathan deck? You're going to use this. Period.
Overall Rating: 9

43.

Name: Spawnsire of Ulamog >> summary
Set: Rise of the Eldrazi
Type: Eldrazi
Body: 18
Converted Mana Cost: 10
General Evaluation: The strangest of all Eldrazi (and that's something to be said). It costs as much as Kozilek, but it only has annihilator 1, and it's better at defending than attacking, which is already odd for an alleged Devourer of Worlds. Its token-making ability is its best feature, having the same ratio and mechanic of a strong token-maker like Sliver Queen, only doubled both in cost and effect. The tokens are Eldrazi Spawn, so again, not good for attack as much as they are for defense and board-building (unless you want to play this in a Drone/Spawn deck, in which case it will be too hard to cast). The idea is to accumulate mana via Spawn until you'll have enough to activate the last ability and bring an Eldrazi Apocalypse on the battlefield. Timmy would love that, and I'm sure it has been tried by casual decks all over the world. It's as exciting on paper as it's overkill when you actually do it, though. In order to generate a pretty satisfying Eldrazi mayhem, you just need to pay 15 and cast Emrakul. No need to pay 30 and cast the other 15 Eldrazi spells you kept in your sideboard for the occasion. It will be moot in the end, as nobody would actually wait while you go through all the process of resolving all of them, so that ability should just read "20: you win the game".
Tribal Evaluation: Probably the one Eldrazi nobody ever considers for Eldrazi decks. Especially because there wouldn't even be a sideboard for its "ultimate" to go off, so it's just a Sliver Queen with all the figures doubled (including converted mana cost), and no real interaction with the other creatures in the deck.
Overall Rating: 6

44.

Name: Aboroth >> summary
Set: Weatherlight
Type: Elemental
Body: 18
Converted Mana Cost: 6
General Evaluation: Let's see... you pay 6 for a 9/9 vanilla. Next turn, you attack with an 8/8 vanilla. Then, your vanilla dumby is a 6/6. On your third attack, it's already a 3/3, which means it would be the last time you see it. Considering that you might rather have paid 6 for an 8/8 trampler that stays an 8/8 trampler indefinitely... well, you can see where this goes. And not even try to talk me into a -1/-1 counters matter kind of deck, even if that's why this thing got 1 rating point more than due.
Tribal Evaluation: Did you know that Elemental is the tribe with more colossal fatties of all? That's because they keep printing these kind of moronic cards and pin the "elemental" brand on them!
Overall Rating: 2

45.

Name: Archdemon of Greed >> summary
Set: Dark Ascension
Type: Demon
Body: 18
Converted Mana Cost: 5
General Evaluation: So, for 5 mana, you first get a 4/4 vanilla. That's almost decent, if not exciting. But then, you sacrifice a Human (at sorcery speed) and get... a slightly better Lord of the Pit? Which still needs specifically Human sacrifices, or he will tap himself other than damaging you (then, I'm not so sure it's really better than Lord of the Pit: he can always attack, at least). Since there's no reason for wanting a sacrifice outlet that asks for Human victims only, you're left to wonder what this is about, other than some typical Innistrad flavor. If you really want to bring this kind of suicide demons on your house, Xathrid Demon costs just 1 mana more than the Ravenous, and when you sacrifice to him, he damages all your opponents. And Liege of the Pit will morph for 4 black mana, and never taps himself.
Tribal Evaluation: How many off-tribe Humans do you expect to cram into a Demon deck?
Overall Rating: 3

46.

Name: Colossus of Sardia >> summary
Sets: Antiquities, Fourth Edition, Fifth Edition, Tenth Edition
Type: Golem
Body: 18
Converted Mana Cost: 9
General Evaluation: Old, glorious Colossus of Sardia (the biggest, scariest creature back in his times) didn't stand the test of time. Sure, there are easy ways to untap an artifact without spending 9 mana every turn. But is it still really worth it? An unprotected 9/9 trampler for 9 isn't top-notch anymore, if it ever was, and even as far as reanimation targets go, you can find newer, more enticing artifacts for Goblin Welder's amusement, like Inkwell Leviathan or Sundering Titan. Sic transit gloria colossi. Plus, what was that thing depicted on the Fifth Edition card?!
Tribal Evaluation: Golem decks remember him with affectionate nostalgia. He's the grandfather of them all! And just like with actual grandfathers, they rarely visit him and surely wouldn't even think to bring him into their houses.
Overall Rating: 4

47.

Name: Demon of Death's Gate >> summary
Set: Magic 2011
Type: Demon
Body: 18
Converted Mana Cost: 9
General Evaluation: Clearly this wasn't conceived for hardcasting. You just have to find him the right kind of deck where you'll have 3 black creatures on the field, cheaply and frequently. Dredge builds with Ichorids and Nether Shadows come to mind. Or the ones that can Buried Alive into 3 Bloodghasts. Or even the ones where you'll just have a bunch of Zombie tokens. The solutions are many, and within these strategies, this may still not be the more essential player, but it'll be solid and worth including.
Tribal Evaluation: Unfortunately, Demon decks have a hard time finding 3 creatures to recklessly sacrifice.
Overall Rating: 7

48.

Name: Devouring Strossus >> summary
Set: Invasion
Type: Horror
Body: 18
Converted Mana Cost: 8
General Evaluation: The Strossus is a good reanimation target for decks that need both a finisher and a sacrifice outlet. You can see it shine in Ayanam1's Tribal Manaless Dredge, for instance. At 8 mana, it's not so easy to be dropped by itself, but it's still an option for black-heavy decks: its threat level is high, the clock that it causes is fast, and as a black creature it comes with some built-in protection against several black targeted removals. Of course, it needs a modicum of build-around-me strategy, as it's better if the sacrifices it needs to survive will be relevant somehow. At least, if you fail to satiate its hunger, it doesn't do crazy things to you: it just devours itself.
Tribal Evaluation: As the link above proved, Horror decks might make the right shell for Tribal dredge. In the other cases, they will likely be monoblack builds with a possible reanimation theme, so the Strossus will still have the chance to fit at the top-of-the-curve as a scary 1-of.
Overall Rating: 7

49.

Name: Draco >> summary
Set: Planeshift
Type: Dragon
Body: 18
Converted Mana Cost: 16
General Evaluation: Even after the Eldrazi invasion, this strange mechanical dragon is still the creature with the greater casting cost printed on it. For all of its existence, Draco has been exclusively used for this very reason indeed (since in the end it's too vulnerable to be worth the effort that's needed in order to cast it for a reasonable cost, even in a pentacolored deck). Every time you have a combo where the casting cost of a card is relevant (like with Erratic Explosion or Explosive Revelation, for instance), Draco is your guy. Or maybe not anymore, because Emrakul is just 1 mana less, goes back into your deck (allowing to be re-tutored), and protects from milling win conditions for good measure. So we probably have another case of sad obsolescence here.
Tribal Evaluation: It may be nominally a Dragon, but Draco doesn't really have anything to do with actual Dragons. Unless you want to build a Mecha-Dragons theme deck for some reason.
Overall Rating: 4

50.

Name: Dread Slag >> summary
Set: Dissension
Type: Horror
Body: 18
Converted Mana Cost: 5
General Evaluation: 5 mana for a 9/9 trampler? It would be sweet, but it's not quite the case here, since with Dread Slag that would only work if you just discarded or dumped your entire hand (and I assure you, you can do better things after a Lion Eye's Diamond than waiting for this thing to show up). Otherwise, even 1 card in your hand would make it just decent, 2 cards stupid, 3 cards dead on arrival. It's certainly possible to conceive a deck where you cast everything super-fast, maybe exploiting a draw engine later on, or some sort of alternative card selector a la Mangara's Tome, while still keeping your hand empty. To be honest, though, it doesn't seem the kind of hazardous strategy you try to pull off only for the sake of exploiting an unstable 9/9 trampler, even if it might fit the battle plan without necessarily being the centerpiece. It still sounds overcomplicated compared to, say, the equally costed and powered Endless Wurm, which also requires some deckbuilding attention.
Tribal Evaluation: A very fast Horror deck where you drop everything early on in order to make this guy shine? Well, it's possible. Not probable, though. Or, you know, effective.
Overall Rating: 3

51.

Name: Endless Wurm >> summary
Set: Urza's Saga
Type: Wurm
Body: 18
Converted Mana Cost: 5
General Evaluation: Endless Wurm is definitely Argothian Enchantress's favorite pet, and Rancor's more affectionate client (he probably has a grumpy personality which the lovely Enchantress is able to soothe). These interactions are surely interesting, and a 9/9 trampler (that very likely will be boosted to 11/9) potentially coming as a midrange beater it's not half bad, and it's something the opponent has to deal with very quickly. It relies on a somehow frail equilibrium, though, as the Wurm will be totally useless (and not "endless" at all) if you don't find its Rancor, or another cheap, recursive enchantment.
Tribal Evaluation: Wurms might definitely find some use for a playset of Rancor. This way, the Endless might fill the role of a serious, early threat in the deck, given that most of the other Wurms, and all of the better ones but Bellowing Tanglewurm, have higher casting cost. The dilemma is still there, though: will the Endless Wurm's enchantment shenanigan kick in reliably enough?
Overall Rating: 6

52.

Name: Grozoth >> summary
Set: Ravnica: City of Guilds
Type: Leviathan
Body: 18
Converted Mana Cost: 9
General Evaluation: Grozoth is a really fascinating creature. For starters, its name and art are very Lovecraftian. I don't know if it can eternal lie, but It definitely looks like something that waits dreaming (and isn't that downtown R'lyeh right there in the picture?). Grozoth waits because, well, it's a big, fat "wall". It's actually the biggest creature with defender in the game, even if it can lose it at will. But that's not actually its function at all: what makes Grozoth a compelling card is the fact that it's a limitless tutor. That's right, you could even take, say, 20 cards out of its ETB effect. That would be very unlikely, of course, as we're talking 9-mana spells here, which is a bit different than what Ranger of Eos does (Grozoth is the Ranger of Eos of colossal fatties!). But every deck where you consider to put this unfathomable Leviathan in will surely have sensible targets for it to tutor up, and there are many: as I already recounted, I once made a Grozoth deck where it would tutor up a little friend for each color, and especially the party starter Myojin of Life's Web. But its BFF is clearly the other big fish with the same casting cost: Inkwell Leviathan, as dropping a Grozoth may end up with you having a full playset of Inkwell in hand. You really want to have an Eureka at that point! Other interesting noncreature targets include Plague Wind, Denying Wind, Darksteel Forge, and Blasphemous Act. The transmute ability may come in handy too, but not so frequently, because if you have the mana or means to cast/drop what Grozoth will tutor up, there's a good chance you can also do the same with Grozoth itself and end up with a colossal fattie on the field (even just for defensive purposes, as it will likely be the case). Not to mention that, as noted, the main strength of Grozoth is the ability to tutor up a group of cards, which may be relevant in discard/pitch strategies (think Dream Halls into Grozoth into 3 other Grozoths to be pitched for 3 Inkwell Leviathans). All that said, this is a very specialized card, strong in a deck built around it, but without any real use in every other deck, including traditional reanimation builds where you would just skip the Grozoth passage and Entomb an Inkwell Leviathan directly.
Tribal Evaluation: In Leviathan decks, Grozoth forms a successful partnership with Inkwell Leviathan. They are like a nerd who calls his jock friend (or the entire football team) for help.
Overall Rating: 7

53.

Name: Kalonian Behemoth >> summary
Set: Magic 2010
Type: Beast
Body: 18
Converted Mana Cost: 7
General Evaluation: A colossal fattie that your opponent can't target is always a good thing, since dropping them on the field is always a resource-consuming feat (either through mana ramping or cheat spells/effects), and you don't want to see your efforts immediately turned to dust by an instant spot removal. Therefore, as I already noted several times, shroud and hexproof are the first abilities you want to see on your ideal colossal fattie. But here's the thing: they aren't the only abilities you need from it. Kalonian Behemoth illustrates this concept perfectly: yes, the enemy can't go for its throat, or send it to plow the fields (which is actually something this Beast looks like it was born for). Yet they can easily block it with anything they have at hand, again and again. Especially if that's, say, Drudge Skeletons. The threat level here isn't as high as it should be. And you can't do anything about that, because shroud prevents you to put stuff on your (supposed) threat, as well. Even if 7 mana in green aren't too many, they're still more than the Kalonian deserves, especially when you compare it with cards like Plated Slagwurm, which is essentially the same thing except for the little detail that you can place a Rancor on it and turn it into a serious clock (so, in the end, hexproof might actually be good enough as the only ability of your colossal fattie; shroud, on the other hand, not so much).
Tribal Evaluation: A bit too costly and a bit too useless for any serious Beast deck.
Overall Rating: 4

54.

Name: Krosan Colossus >> summary
Set: Onslaught
Type: Beast
Body: 18
Converted Mana Cost: 9
General Evaluation: In the entry for Kalonian Behemoth, I just noted how a 9/9 French vanilla beast with shroud for 7 doesn't actually do much, because it's not evasive or a trampler, and you can't enhance it at all (short of using global effects). Well, what about a 9/9 French vanilla beast without shroud for 9? Oh, but wait, Krosan Colossus can be morphed. Yeah, for 8 mana. Big deal.
Tribal Evaluation: Apparently, Beast decks have a vast range of underperforming colossal fatties to choose from. Krosan Colossus actually faces big competition even when the goal is just to build the worst possible Beast deck.
Overall Rating: 2

55.

Name: Kuro, Pitlord >> summary
Set: Champions of Kamigawa
Types: Legendary Demon Spirit
Body: 18
Converted Mana Cost: 9
General Evaluation: Kuro would have been very good as a to-be-reanimated sweeper, if it wasn't for that mad upkeep cost. He's still interesting, as you can bring him in for just a turn, sweep the opponent side, and let him go. Keeping him on the board doesn't seem desirable: he can kill stuff again and again, of course (even if there will be a point where it will cost too much life to keep doing that), but dumping 4 mana per turn into an unevasive 9/9 looks a bit too much. And it can't take care of untargetable creatures. Still, the effect is powerful and free of charge, mana-wise.
Tribal Evaluation: Demon decks (and, to a lesser extent, Spirit decks) with access to discard and reanimation may actually consider to run a copy of him. Recurring Nightmare seems to describe accurately what he is.
Commander Evaluation: A general that can sweep the board for free is nothing to sneeze at, but I fear the high casting cost would mean for Kuro to come at a point in the game where sweeping the board, or even just surgically remove the more threatening creatures, would almost kill you.
Overall Rating: 6

56.

Name: Pathrazer of Ulamog >> summary
Set: Rise of the Eldrazi
Type: Eldrazi
Body: 18
Converted Mana Cost: 11
General Evaluation: Pathrazer of Ulamog is arguably the best non-legendary Eldrazi out there. It has the higher annihilation rate of any non-legendary Eldrazi, and it's nearly unblockable (you try to sacrifice 3 permanents and then use 3 creatures to block a 9/9 is around), and most of all is around), and most of all , and still be in the game afterwards). Its power is reflected by its casting cost, of course, but it's still a worthy investment in a colorless ramp deck, and it's easy to reanimate. It's also an uncommon, which may be relevant for fringe formats like Peasant and SilverBlack.
Tribal Evaluation: Eldrazi decks might need its overwhelming attack capability, especially if they don't have full playsets of Eldazi titans to spare.
Overall Rating: 8

57.

Name: Skarrg Goliath >> summary
Set: Gatecrash
Type: Beast
Body: 18
Converted Mana Cost: 8
General Evaluation: I'm not one to find bloodrush a really exciting mechanic in general, and with this Beast, the feeling is just that they told themselves, "Hey, let's push bloodrush to the extreme with a really big creature that turns into a really big pumping spell". Of course, it's the kind of stuff that they give green, then. And it's the kind of stuff that only works as a theoretical application of an abstract concept, and nobody really plays, neither in casual environments nor in competitive ones. After all, it's better than Krosan Colossus or Skyshroud Behemoth, but not that better.
Tribal Evaluation: I feel like Beasts should focus more on moving down along their mana curve, not up, given that they already tend to overcrowd the midrange slots and overreach from there. And if you really want to go up, you'll find Protean Hulk, Spearbreaker Behemoth and Craterhoof Behemoth before this guy.
Overall Rating: 5

58.

Name: Terastodon >> summary
Set: Worldwake
Type: Elephant
Body: 18
Converted Mana Cost: 8
General Evaluation: When it comes to decide which monogreen creature is the best in the game, Terastodon is definitely one of the candidates. This invaluable chief elephant, a staple of almost every Commander deck with access to green, is a case of a colossal fattie that does way more than just pose a threat to your opponent life total. In fact, Terastodon isn't as much a creature as is one of the most powerful targeted removals in the game. Hitting up to three of everything but other creatures (as it's still bound by the color pie, after all), Terastodon allows you to cripple the opponent board, even going as far as being a miniature, one-sided Armageddon. Of course, he (she? Elephants are matriarchal, aren't they?) leaves 3/3 Elephant tokens in place of whatever was crushed by the herd, but it's no big deal if you chose the right targets (which calls for a certain amount of skill, especially in the case of a complex board status). And after the dust settles, you'll still have a 9/9 body on your side. There might even be cases, particularly in late turns of Commander games, where you want to hit some of your lands and create an Elephant army of your own. Such is the versatility of the mighty Terastodon. Natural Order builds usually have a copy maindeck as an emergency alternative to Progenitus, when the battlefield needs some cleanup.
Tribal Evaluation: Elephant isn't a tribe you see often. If you ever happened to meet it, there's a chance it would include some kind of shenanigans to sneak Terastodons into play.
Overall Rating: 9

59.

Name: Thing from the Deep >> summary
Set: Portal
Type: Leviathan
Body: 18
Converted Mana Cost: 9
General Evaluation: There's an ancestral war going on: Good Leviathans vs. Bad Leviathans. And it's not a moral battle actually: it's just amazing, game-changing threats vs. terrible, unplayable doofuses. Thing from the Deep is a 9/9 vanilla for 9 which destroys one of your islands (or itself) when it attacks. Guess which side it belongs to? Because it's a real authority on that side!
Tribal Evaluation: There are 14 Leviathans in the game, but it seems extremely easy to choose which ones you should put into your Leviathan deck, since for some of them you can't even find a reason for their existence in your general proximity.
Overall Rating: 0

60.

Name: Witherscale Wurm >> summary
Set: Shadowmoor
Type: Wurm
Body: 18
Converted Mana Cost: 6
General Evaluation: Throughout the blocks and the ages, R&D has always tried to give us colossal fatties that can be easily hardcasted, yet at the cost of some kind of flip side. As far as Witherscale Wurm is concerned, the flip side is (again) the fact that it's not really as big as its stats show on the card. Or better, it is until it gets into combat and the reverse wither effect kicks in, weakening it like an STD, until a good beating administered to the opponent would somehow cure it. The design is actually clever: the Wurm is cut up, but its sections are still alive and get back together eventually (or something like that). In the meantime, the opponent is lured to block it more and more, losing creatures after creatures in the process (or at least a couple creatures). The problem is that 1. it's not so easy to put the Wurm pieces back together, because (again!) it doesn't have trample, and after each combat phase damaging the opponent (not to mention surviving) becomes increasingly harder; and 2. All of this is accomplished at Primeval Titan mana. Boy, this latter one just totally killed Witherscale Wurm's chances to shine, doesn't it?
Tribal Evaluation: You want a 6-mana Wurm? Did you ever hear of Wurmcoil Engine? (Or even Yavimaya Wurm, for God's sake!)
Overall Rating: 3

61.

Name: Artisan of Kozilek >> summary
Sets: Rise of the Eldrazi, Commander
Type: Eldrazi
Body: 19
Converted Mana Cost: 9
General Evaluation: Let's face it: most of the Eldrazi are just very good. They are the alien super-race of colossal fatties, descended upon the Magic world to show Elementals and Leviathans how not to suck. Like Pathrazer of Ulamog, Artisan of Kozilek is another uncommon, so all the better for Peasant and SilverBlack players. Its annihilator level is decent, its body is impressive, and its ability is a free Resurrection, which means you're actually paying 5 for a 10/9 annihilator. In typical Eldrazi fashion, the effect is triggered only by casting it (which also means it still resolves even if the Artisan is countered, unless a separate effect, like Stifle, is used to nullify the trigger). Losing some of its appeal as the target for reanimation or other cheat effects lowers its overall rating a little bit (Pathrazer of Ulamog doesn't have the same problem), but it's still a very serious option for ramp decks.
Tribal Evaluation: All in all, one of the first colorless Eldrazi to select for any Eldrazi deck.
Overall Rating: 8

62.

Name: Genju of the Realm >> summary
Set: Betrayers of Kamigawa
Type: Legendary Spirit (after activation)
Body: 20
Converted Mana Cost: 5
General Evaluation: The sixth and final card of the Genju cycle from Betrayers of Kamigawa isn't so clunky as it seems. Or better, it is, since having 5 mana of different colors implies a quite elaborate deck construction. But within decks that already do that for their own reasons, it might have a home, especially if you put it on Darksteel Citadel (which, I know, it's absolutely counterintuitive, since it would be a colorless-producing land within a 5-color deck). As far as manlands go, activating an 8/12 trampler for 2 is probably the best deal ever. Of course, it's an aura, so it's subjected to that annoying 2-for-1 rule, but with lands it's actually not so dreadful as it is in the case of creatures. I feel like cutting this card some slack: it's mightily flavorful after all, and the only enchantment-fattie in this list.
Overall Rating: 6

63.

Name: Bearer of the Heavens >> summary
Set: Journey into Nyx
Type: Giant
Body: 20
Converted Mana Cost: 8
General Evaluation: It's sort of like Child of Alara with a different cost (easier? Harder? It depends, I guess), but the land destruction and the "next end step" clause make it more of a combo piece than a generic safety valve. Just put something into temporary exile, kill this thing, and you'll have some endgame going. Greater Gargadon definitely has its interested piqued.
Tribal Evaluation: Giant decks tend to try not going overboard with the higher CMC slots, since even the lower ones are already high enough. This one makes a strong argument for inclusion, though, since in-tribe sweeping is always something to covet, even when it takes some effort to make it work.
Overall Rating: 7

63.

Name: Colossus of Akros >> summary
Set: Theros
Type: Golem
Body: 20
Converted Mana Cost: 8
General Evaluation: "Ugh, a bloody defender for 8 mana!", you would be prone to say after looking at Theros' take on the Colossus of Rhodes. But then there's that monstrosity effect. And you just think, "Wait a minute... I'm in a colorless ramp deck, am I? I ramped to 8 colorless mana to get there. Now I have a big, immovable barrier, which is lame. But what if next turn I sort of pay the casting cost again, give or take a couple mana, and attack with a 20/20 indestructible trampler?"
Tribal Evaluation: Golem decks have a few good options in this slot, namely Sundering Titan, Platinum Emperion, and Bosh, Iron Golem. But despite all appearances, Colossus of Akros is able to do more than Darksteel Colossus does, and somehow faster (both don't interact with reanimators well). Enough to challenge any "defenders suck!" prejudice for sure.
Overall Rating: 8

65.

Name: Doomgape >> summary
Set: Eventide
Type: Elemental
Body: 20
Converted Mana Cost: 7
General Evaluation: Now, a 10/10 trampler for 7 isn't so bad. With all the talk about not investing plenty of resources into a colossal fattie that might end up instantly killed the second it comes into play, we're forgetting that for some of them, if they actually stick around for even a couple turns, it's bad news for the opponent that failed to deal with them. Doomgape is possibly one of this clique (another one is Autochthon Wurm). And then there's its downside, that's actually quite interesting: Doomgape asks for sacrifices but it gives you life equal to the victim's toughness. Which means, worst case scenario (well, worst case scenario where it sticks around for at least one turn), if you don't happen to have any creature to feed the hungry mouth, or if you just feel like so, you can have Doomgape impacting the board with its sheer 20-body presence during your turn, then sacrifice it to itself and get 10 life, which is 4 life more than a 7-mana Stream of Life (of course nobody ever uses Stream of Life, but humor me here). The combination of a massive threat and a free Diamond Valley effect might be a game-changer, under the right circumstances. Of course the right circumstances are mostly met in a casual game, and Doomgape is still a bit of a giant, cannibalistic dork.
Tribal Evaluation: At least it's a 7-mana Elemental that does trample damage plus something else potentially useful (hey, you can feed it your Aboroths when they're still fat and juicy!)
Overall Rating: 6

66.

Name: Etched Monstrosity >> summary
Set: New Phyrexia
Type: Golem
Body: 20
Converted Mana Cost: 5
General Evaluation: I feel like the designers of Etched Monstrosity thought it would be edgier and more Johnny-licious than it is. It's an update on Fifth Dawn's Etched Oracle, taking out the lame sunburst mechanic and ending up with, basically, an honest 5/5 for 5 with the potential for becoming a 10/10 and a triple card advantage if you manage to pay the pentacolored activation. Which is actually feasible in eternal formats that allow for cards like Crystal Quarry or Prismatic Omen. It's still all a bit overcomplicated (I'll not even begin to entertain the idea of putting back the -1/-1 counters somehow, in order to repeat the process) and not particularly fascinating.
Tribal Evaluation: Golem decks and pentacolored mana sources hardly go together.
Overall Rating: 6

67.

Name: Ghoultree >> summary
Set: Dark Ascension
Types: Zombie Treefolk
Body: 20
Converted Mana Cost: 8
General Evaluation: So, a self-mill strategy might have this putrescent tree in play very fast. How fast? Well, it depends on the type of self-milling. But here's the thing: does a very dredge-oriented deck really need a cheap 10/10 vanilla? Isn't it already doing much more amazing things than dropping a Ghoultree? Now, a moderately graveyard-filling deck might take advantage from a 10/10 popping up on a midrange board (like we said in the case of Doomgape, it's still an impressive body after all). Let's say there are 4 creatures in the graveyard: Ghoultree will be a 10/10 for 4, which is appealing. Problem is: you can't really fill your deck with conditional creatures that don't exactly double as game changers anyway. Ghoultree is not a very bad creature by any means, but lacking any real punch other than a big body, being forcedly linked to a single strategy, and hanging in your hand until that strategy is at least partially accomplished, all this makes it worse than its mechanic would otherwise suggest.
Tribal Evaluation: A monogreen fattie in a Zombie deck? Don't think so. And Treefolk are a picky mob, they have way too many extraordinary members to accept average performers like Ghoultree in their inner circle (not to mention: they tend not to hit the graveyard very much).
Overall Rating: 4

68.

Name: Leveler >> summary
Set: Mirrodin
Type: Juggernaut
Body: 20
Converted Mana Cost: 5
General Evaluation: Leveler, a.k.a. the Johnny's Charmer. Johnnies all around the world always found this odd creature irresistible: after all, it's a card that seemingly does little more than just kill you. There HAS to be some way to break it! So there are been various attempts at Leveler shenanigans. First of all, of course, you can play Leveler with the same kind of combos you use for Eater of Days. But let's see, Leveler costs 1 mana more and is a 10/10 vanilla vs. a 9/8 flying trample (and if things go south, Eater of Days doesn't instantly kill you). So, that's not the right path. You can try to immediately give it to the opponent via Endless Whispers, which will trigger the ETB effect again (and the opponent will have to draw and die before you do). But then why not just use Phage instead, which makes for a faster and less conditional win? Back to the drawing board, then. One of my favorite Leveler interactions is with Shared Fate: essentially, you use your opponent library while he uses yours. Except you don't have a library anymore, courtesy of Leveler! (No drawing is actually involved so your opponent will not die this way, but you still have him almost entirely locked out of the game). The possibilities are plenty, including the very simple use of spells that go back into the library after they're cast, like Beacon of Destruction, creating a very destructive 1-card library. And as recently as Innistrad, we have Laboratory Maniac's win condition directly playing into Leveler's quirky effect. It's still all unbelievably clunky and contrived, but I'll give Leveler some points for fun Johnny potential.
Tribal Evaluation: A Juggernaut deck might well be the right shell to try a Leveler combo, since the rest of them are pretty straightforward and will distract the opponent from your cunning schemes.
Overall Rating: 5

69.

Name: Leviathan >> summary
Sets: The Dark, Fourth Edition, Fifth Edition, Time Spiral "Timeshifted"
Type: Leviathan
Body: 20
Converted Mana Cost: 9
General Evaluation: That's him! The Evil Overlord of the Bad Leviathans! The Leviathan himself! It took almost 10 years and the change of the graphic layout for the game to finally abandon this concept where the Leviathans were just allies of your opponents that for mysterious reasons you included in your deck and played. Their godfather here is almost deceptive: hey, I could untap him with some effect and save my Islands! No way, kid, he will still force you to destroy your Islands if you dare to attack his ally with him.
Tribal Evaluation: How not to put "The Leviathan" in a Leviathan deck? By choosing life, probably.
Overall Rating: 1

70.

Name: Progenitus >> summary
Sets: Conflux, Modern Masters, From the Vault: Legends
Types: Legendary Hydra Avatar
Body: 20
Converted Mana Cost: 10
General Evaluation: Shut up, stupid reviewer. This is Progenitus. You don't judge Progenitus. You worship Progenitus. Progenitus is protected from everything, so even from your stupid evaluations. All hail Progenitus!
Tribal Evaluation: No matter what the card says, Progenitus is the member of a tribe with just one member: Progenitus.
Commander Evaluation: If you're going to use Progenitus as your general, make sure to build a good deck, because he's a sore loser.
Overall Rating: 10

71.

Name: Skyshroud Behemoth >> summary
Set: Nemesis
Type: Beast
Body: 20
Converted Mana Cost: 7
General Evaluation: I always talk about how a colossal fattie should impact the board in order to be worthwhile. Skyshroud Behemoth is a 10/10 vanilla, so its attacks can be blocked by everything. It comes into play tapped, so it can't block right away. The next turn, you'll have to remove one of its TWO fade counters. Meaning that it will get to attack TWICE, then it will fade away, surrounded by all the unspeakable sadness of its brief, useless life.
Tribal Evaluation: At some point, somebody within R&D really thought that Beasts shouldn't have colossal fatties at all, so he kept sabotaging any attempt at that. And somebody else didn't have a clue about this.
Overall Rating: 0

72.

Name: Supreme Exemplar >> summary
Set: Morningtide
Type: Elemental
Body: 20
Converted Mana Cost: 7
General Evaluation: Champion is a nice mechanic, as it allows for interesting shenanigans where you have the championing creature leave the battlefield so the championed creature will come back, triggering effects and stuff. It's just that a 7-mana championer isn't exactly the most practical way to exploit this dynamic. Sure, a 10/10 flyer can be nice in itself, and it's just 1 mana more than Mahamoti Djinn after all (and almost twice the body). Still, I don't see a lot of blue decks playing plenty of elementals and ramping into a 7cc creature. Besides, seriously, Tedin? A bunch of animal heads lined up on an amorphous, floating thingamabob? Is that a "supreme exemplar" for you? Because it looks like something sketched in 5 minutes during a bathroom break to me.
Tribal Evaluation: Well, this one champions an Elemental, so if you should ever decide to try and use it, it would necessarily be within an Elemental deck, wouldn't it?
Overall Rating: 5

73.

Name: Ulamog, the Infinite Gyre >> summary
Set: Rise of the Eldrazi
Type: Legendary Eldrazi
Body: 20
Converted Mana Cost: 11
General Evaluation: Ulamog smash! Ulamog crush! Ulamog annihilate!
Tribal Evaluation: You really really want to play Ulamog in your Eldrazi deck.
Commander Evaluation: As in the case of every Eldrazi titan, using them as generals is tricky, if challenging: you'll have to use only colorless cards and lands that produce colorless mana (you'll find yourself playing Naya Panorama as a mana-producing land), and you'll be looked at as "that guy" for the whole game. Until you either will really be "that guy", or you will be "that dead guy" before Ulamog could even start to stretch his legs.
Overall Rating: 10

74.

Name: Blightsteel Colossus >> summary
Set: Mirrodin Besieged
Type: Golem
Body: 22
Converted Mana Cost: 12
General Evaluation: I can't decide if Blightsteel Colossus is a brilliant design, because within a sequel block it took a previous fan favorite and made it better, linking it to the main mechanic of the new set; or if rather it's just a cheap creation, because it's very easy to take a strong card and enhance it by adding another powerful ability and adjusting its stats just a little. Either way, Blightsteel Colossus is now one of the most frightening threats in the whole game, capable of seal the deal with a single attack, regardless of the opponent's life total. The clause that prevents him from getting reanimated is only fair, and doesn't influence his rating a bit. The current "This Is How I Beat You to Death" creature hall of fame is pretty much Progenitus, if you want protection from spot removals and you can fetch him with Natural Order, and Ulamog or the Colossus, if you prefer to survive sweepers and you can count on a colorless ramp or (in the case of the Colossus) a way to fetch artifacts directly into play. And then there's Emrakul, of course.
Tribal Evaluation: Weirdly enough, the Colossus might well be featured more in Construct decks (exploiting Kuldotha Forgemaster) than in actual Golem decks. But it's still a serious option in Cloudpost-fueled builds, or if you include some off-tribe artifact fetchers or cheaters-into-play.
Overall Rating: 10

75.

Name: Darksteel Colossus >> summary
Sets: Darksteel, Magic 2010
Type: Golem
Body: 22
Converted Mana Cost: 11
General Evaluation: The story of Darksteel Colossus is very sad. Once upon a time, the little big darksteel soldier was the most admired toy in town: a trampler, indestructible behemoth, it was unlike anything else ever seen before. All the Artificers loved him and threw parties for him. Even Progenitus himself would respect him. But then, the world went on, and new, fancy toys were built: first, another indestructible soldier with even more impact power; then, an updated version of himself, shinier and brighter and deadlier. The little big darksteel soldier even tried to challenge this new guy, but he just laughed at Darksteel's indestructibility, humiliating him with his -1/-1 counters without even taking a single scratch. And so, the poor, outdated Darksteel Colossus went away, abashed, and quickly found himself dusty and forgotten. Nobody was playing with him anymore. And nobody will. There's no happy ending in the ever-evolving Magic realm.
Tribal Evaluation: Take pity on the poor Darksteel Colossus and play him alongside his fancier brother in your Golem deck! Please!
Overall Rating: 8

76.

Name: Denizen of the Deep >> summary
Sets: Portal Second Age, Tenth Edition
Type: Serpent
Body: 22
Converted Mana Cost: 8
General Evaluation: What we have here is a veritable sea curse: not just Leviathans and Krakens, even (sea) Serpents suck. Actually, compared to the old Leviathans, this one sucks a little less. There might even be some use for a creature that unsummons all your other creatures when it comes into play (it also works if you put it into the battlefield without hardcasting it, don't trust the Portal wording). Except Dust Elemental does almost the same thing for half the mana at instant speed, and you end up with a nice 6/6 flyer with fear rather than a dull 11/11 vanilla. And if you really want to do a mass evacuation, at least do it to the opponent as well by playing Kederekt Leviathan. But hey, at least Denizen of the Deep doesn't actively try to make you lose the game, even if just by having it in the deck you're definitely not too ahead towards winning.
Tribal Evaluation: Serpent isn't exactly an exciting tribe. They are an assorted bunch of weirdos with Islandhome and/or doing baffling, dangerous things that are hard to group together, like phasing out all of your lands or milling your own deck. This said, I still don't see Denizen of the Deep being a star here.
Overall Rating: 3

77.

Name: It That Betrays >> summary
Set: Rise of the Eldrazi
Type: Eldrazi
Body: 22
Converted Mana Cost: 12
General Evaluation: It That Betrays is the thinking man's Eldrazi. For when you don't want to just beat the crap out of someone: you want to be devious at it. This is where It That Betrays's special ability becomes the funniest of all the Eldrazi host, allowing you to turn annihilator into a stealing engine. . However, the annihilator 2 that It That Betrays comes equipped with might not be enough to put the thievery to its best use, as our Eldrazi enthraller costs a bit too much (it's actually the more expensive Eldrazi after Emrakul), so by the time it will be on the board, the opponent would probably have plenty of lands to give us as annihilated sacrifices, and ways to block its unevasive body, making the whole subduing process slower than expected. All in all, that ability asks to be fully exploited through a plethora of external sacrifice effects, up to All Is Dust itself. This, of course, until we realize one thing: It That Betrays might actually come into play much faster, since, unlike the Eldrazi titans, it's fully reanimation-legal. As the highest level Eldrazi that you can Entomb and Exhume (Reanimate isn't really recommended here!), this is probably one of the most interesting reanimation targets in the game, although still not a very frequent choice in graveyard decks. Things may be heating up, though: Liliana has recently taken an interest in the matter.
Tribal Evaluation: It's not the first Eldrazi you include in an Eldrazi deck, and maybe not the second or the third as well. But it still occasionally deserves its slots, even if within an annihilator deck, the whole stealing business might feel like overkill.
Overall Rating: 8

78.

Name: Polar Kraken >> summary
Set: Ice Age
Type: Kraken
Body: 22
Converted Mana Cost: 11
General Evaluation: And here's an old, old Kraken, to prove that even its brethren can do what the ancient Leviathans used to do: the whole routine of costing tons of mana, coming into play tapped, destroying your lands, putting a smile on your opponent face after a bad day. Polar Kraken is actually extremely adept at killing your lands, because of the cumulative effect. You have to give it to him.
Tribal Evaluation: Now it's the turn of the Krakens to shun and mock their senile elders.
Overall Rating: 2

79.

Name: Autochthon Wurm >> summary
Set: Ravnica: City of Guilds
Type: Wurm
Body: 23
Converted Mana Cost: 15
General Evaluation: Things that make Autochthon Wurm a decent card: it has trample; it has one of the higher toughness in the game (you'd need 3 Titans to kill it in combat!); it has the second highest casting cost, for Explosive shenanigans; convoke makes it easier to hardcast in the right deck; it's a Natural Order target; it has a cool name (which actually just means "your friendly neighborhood wurm"). Of course, it's still a case of "don't waste resources on a thing that might be instantly removed leaving no traces on the battlefield". In fact, it's hard to think of a deck that might want to use this as its finisher/shenanigan target over other, more incisive options. But just like with Doomgape, if Autochthon Wurm sticks around, it provides some hard times for the opponent. And this isn't something you can say of all the creatures in this list.
Tribal Evaluation: Wurm decks might already have white for Novablast Wurm. And they probably should just stick with it, because there's no way they can fuel convoke, and Natural Order would find more interesting Wurm targets than Autochthon.
Overall Rating: 6

80.

Name: Jokulmorder >> summary
Set: Coldsnap
Type: Leviathan
Body: 24
Converted Mana Cost: 7
General Evaluation: Good Lord, does the sequence of unplayable Leviathans ever end? As the third set in the Ice Age block come 10 years too late, Coldsnap couldn't help but jump on the nostalgia train with this thing. Yeah, at least it's a 12/12 trampler for 7 and not a 9/9 vanilla for 9. But it still enters the battlefield tapped, it still doesn't untap, and just to be safe, it kills 5 of your lands right away. This way at least the opponent can just kill the doofus immediately and seal a 6-for-1 deal which might well mean good game. Talk about a convoluted system to concede.
Tribal Evaluation: Essentially, there are no such things as Leviathan decks. There's ONE Leviathan deck, as far as the tribal base goes. You deviate even slightly from it, and you risk to losing the game in horrible, horrible ways.
Overall Rating: 1

81.

Name: Kozilek, Butcher of Truth >> summary
Set: Rise of the Eldrazi
Type: Legendary Eldrazi
Body: 24
Converted Mana Cost: 10
General Evaluation: Kozilek is the gentler and nerdier of the three Eldrazi titans. He's not particularly good at fighting (he has a bigger body than Ulamog, but it's probably all fat mass). He's more interested in drawing you cards. And considering that Tidings costs 5 mana, with Kozilek you're actually paying 5 for a 12/12 annihilator 4, which is sweet. In fact, while not being protected from destruction like Ulamog, Kozilek has at least the cost advantage on him and especially Emrakul. And you keep the extra cards, counterspell be damned, so hardcasting him is often a priority, and makes of Kozilek a more strategic than tactical card. And, you know, he still joyfully annihilates for 4.
Tribal Evaluation: Of course Kozilek can't be left out of any Eldrazi ramp deck.
Commander Evaluation: As a general, Kozilek attracts less attention than Ulamog, but in the end he faces the same issues of his brother.
Overall Rating: 9

82.

Name: Phyrexian Dreadnought >> summary
Set: Mirage
Type: Dreadnought
Body: 24
Converted Mana Cost: 1
General Evaluation: Phyrexian Dreadnought is probably the first and still the more famous of the "dreadful ETB effect" creatures that can combo with Stifle, Trickbind, and Torpor Orb to cancel the effect and live happily ever after. We have had Eater of Days and Leveler in this list as well. The Dreadnought is even more powerful than the Eater, despite not being evasive: a 12/12 trampler is a force to be reckoned with, and most of all... it's a 1-mana creature! With some help from a Mox Diamond and/or an Ancient Tomb, the combo might easily happen on turn 1. That would definitely make for a good start. Naturally, being restricted to a combo (unless you find a way to actually have 12-power worth of creatures to sacrifice for another good reason) makes it a severely conditional card, but arguably the best of them. And since it hits the battlefield for a moment while triggering its "sacrifice or die" effect, it also allows for secondary shenanigans with sacrifice outlets that care about power and toughness.
Tribal Evaluation: The Dreadnought tribe... has only this one member. So, you already know what the Dreadnought deck will do (if such a thing even exists, because it'd be more of a Shapeshifter deck, actually). Let's face it: nobody knows why during The Grand Creature Type Update Mark Gottlieb never retro-assigned this to the Construct or Juggernaut tribe.
Overall Rating: 8

83.

Name: Death's Shadow >> summary
Set: Worldwake
Type: Avatar
Body: 26
Converted Mana Cost: 1
General Evaluation: Now, Death's Shadow isn't really a 13/13. To get to that level, you should be at 0 life, exploiting stuff like Phyrexian Unlife or Platinum Angel (which would even allow you to attain a negative life amount, therefore potentially making Death's Shadow infinitely large). A suicide black deck, especially if supported by phyrexian mana spells, might still account for a colossal-level Death's Shadow, and this kind of strategy actually pops up every now and then. And while potentially effective (if you don't face burn, that is), it's too narrow a strategy for the Shadow to deserve a high rating. Not even in light of the more recent combo with Varolz, the Scar-Striped, that just turns Death's Shadow into a 13 +1/+1 counters for 1 mana.
Tribal Evaluation: Hard to pull off in an Avatar deck, but one can always try.
Overall Rating: 6

84.

Name: Krosan Cloudscraper >> summary
Sets: Legions, Time Spiral "Timeshifted"
Types: Beast Mutant
Body: 26
Converted Mana Cost: 10
General Evaluation: There has been a time when Krosan Cloudscraper was the biggest creature in the game. It has been designed for this very purpose, actually. But there has never been a time when Krosan Cloudscraper was anything more than your typical clunker vanilla Beast, with a morph effect that's more of a way to get rid of this thing by casting it as a 2/2 for 3 than anything else. A 13/13 body doesn't do much when it's not supported by any combat ability, plus it dies of common cold and comes with an upkeep cost that's completely unaccounted for.
Tribal Evaluation: It's actually more relevant as a big finisher in Mutant reanimation decks. At least in those there's a tribal reason to include it in the deck to begin with.
Overall Rating: 4

85.

Name: Ludevic's Abomination >> summary
Set: Innistrad
Types: Lizard Horror (after transformation)
Body: 26
Converted Mana Cost: 12 (special)
General Evaluation: Things that Ludevic's Test Subject/Ludevic's Abomination has over other similar overcosted colossal fatties with no protection and no immediate impact on the field: 1. the possibility to be paid by installments over the course of up to 6 turns (with possible help from Doubling Season and such); 2. trample; 3. a great flavor. And that’s all, but it's still something.
Tribal Evaluation: From a Tribal point of view, it's just a Lizard. As such, it's the only blue one, so it's off-color compared to all the others, but there's not much of an unified strategy among them anyway, so it's perfectly conceivable to try and include this one in a Lizard deck. Flavor logic wins.
Overall Rating: 5

86.

Name: Withengar Unbound >> summary
Set: Dark Ascension
Type: Legendary Demon (after transformation)
Body: 26
Converted Mana Cost: 7 (special)
General Evaluation: Putting a 7-mana equipment onto the battlefield isn't too hard, what with Stoneforge Mystic existing and all. The equip cost is cheap, yet the equipment itself doesn't do much. Still, if you strap it onto an evasive creature, landing the damage shouldn't be a big problem, and then, abracadabra!, here's your super-accessorized, extra large demon with an updated version of Blood Tyrant's ability, just to make it good for multiplayer too (or mostly). The process of getting to the demon isn't the smoothest, but if you put some cheap flyers in your deck, it isn't even much more than just paying 7 colorless mana plus a single mana activation, which makes for a good ratio, since the demon is powerful and scary enough as a threat. Still, if you draw into this card with an empty board, it will be a bad, bad moment. One rating point more for being the only equipment-fattie, though.
Overall Rating: 6

87.

Name: Emrakul, the Aeons Torn >> summary
Set: Rise of the Eldrazi
Type: Eldrazi
Body: 30
Converted Mana Cost: 15
General Evaluation: I remember seeing the spoiler for Emrakul on April 1st and thinking it had to be a joke (and I believe I wasn't the only one to think that). Sure, you have to pay a huge 15-mana casting cost, but all the rest is closer to spell "you win the game" than any other card ever printed that doesn't actually outright spell "you win the game". You get: an uncounterable, nearly untargetable 15/15 flyer; an unbelievable annihilator 6; and, as if it wasn't enough, a free Time Walk. Plus that "shuffling your graveyard back into your library" effect of every Eldrazi titan, which might go unnoticed among all their goodness, but it's actually a strong feature that made life harder for milling strategies. Also, it causes the Eldrazi titans to physically hit the graveyard, which allows for instant reanimation with cards like Loyal Retainers or Goryo's Vengeance. To be fair, anyway, Emrakul is less untargetable than people think: it's true that you can't use instant or sorcery spells on him, but you can affect him with permanents. Brittle Effigy exiles him; good ol' Royal Assassin kills him (by... cutting his throat?); and even a simple Goldmeadow Harrier is able to stop him, by tapping the annihilating monstrosity again and again before he could even start doing his thing (of course that would feel like balancing a nuclear bomb on the top of your head). All in all, Progenitus is more targeting-proof than Emrakul, as he's able to outwit even a Maze of Ith (it's interesting to note how Progenitus and Emrakul are the ones that doesn't care about spot removals, while Ulamog and the Colossus are the ones that safely ignore sweepers; you never have both). However, we can safely say that while it's possible to have answers to Emrakul in any given deck, it's not so likely to have them in hand when the big, bad Eldrazi will descend upon you, since chances are most of the removals available at that point will be of the kind Emrakul would just shrug off. What makes Emrakul the most powerful creature in the game, though, is specifically his large annihilator effect. Emrakul will rarely kill the opponent in just one attack, as a single Birds of Paradise is still enough to stop him, but most of the times you can't afford to lose 6 permanents and still be able to recover, unless you'll have a solution in hand or will draw into it the very next turn. In most cases, and barring mass removals, Progenitus generates an inescapable clock of 2 turns, yet Emrakul will cause the opponents to concede on sight, as the Time Walk means he will get to attack before a sorcery had even a chance to be cast, and at that point it might be too late anyway.
Tribal Evaluation: If you're playing an Eldrazi deck and you're not playing Emrakul, you're playing in Tribal Apocalypse. Because this bad boy is not allowed there.
Commander Evaluation: It's banned, baby. It's banned.
Overall Rating: 10

88.

Name: Worldspine Wurm >> summary
Set: Return to Ravnica
Type: Wurm
Body: 30
Converted Mana Cost: 11
General Evaluation: Finally! A mono-green creature that is REALLY scary! Granted, you're prevented from reanimating it, but any other way you may find to put this Wurm onto the battlefield (from Natural Order to a honest-to-God ramp), you'll be rewarded by a unbelievably fast clock (even Emrakul might require more attacks to kill the opponent), and what amounts to a complete death insurance, exile effects notwithstanding. Just amazing.
Tribal Evaluation: Definitely the Wurm you want to include in your cheat-Wurms-into-play deck.
Overall Rating: 9

89.

Name: Marit Lage >> summary
Set: Coldsnap
Type: Legendary Avatar Token
Body: 40
Converted Mana Cost: 30 (special)
General Evaluation: Many people probably think Emrakul is the larger creature in the game, but it's not and it never was. The Marit Lage token created by Dark Depths outsizes the Eldrazi boss by a full 33%. Of course, Dark Depths is hardly playable by itself. Before Zendikar, there have been some attempts at combo with Aether Snap, but they weren't very successful. Then Zendikar came out, bringing along the promise of an amazing team-up with the lovely Vampire Hexmage, who's capable of taking out every counter from the frozen land in just a 2-mana whiff. Marit Lage lives! It's a very specialized combo, but you have to give it credit because it dominated Extended for a while. A 20/20 indestructible flyer coming as early as turn 2 really deserves a place among the all-time most broken interactions of Magic. Fun fact: despite the kraken-like form of the avatar, Marit Lage is apparently a female planeswalker of some sort. Go girl!
Overall Rating: 8

Bonus 1: From the Un-Sets

Hey, these are better than most of the creatures in this article! They should really reprint Uktabi Kong in a regular set.

>> summary

Bonus 2: The Biggest of Them All

I like that it can still be blocked forever with no harm by a trio of Drudge Skeletons.

>> summary

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Colossal History (first appearances only)

Core sets: 4 (Alpha: 1, M10: 1, M11: 2)
Starter sets: 5 (Portal: 2, Portal Second Age: 1, Portal Three Kingdoms: 2)
Special sets: 3 (Commander: 3)
Ancient sets: 3 (Antiquities: 1, The Dark: 1, Homelands: 1)
Ice Age block: 4 (Ice Age: 1, Coldsnap: 3)
Mirage block: 3 (Mirage: 1, Weatherlight: 2nbsp;quot;shuffling your graveyard back into your library)
Tempest block: 0
Urza block: 2 (Urza's Saga: 2)
Masques block: 2 (Nemesis: 1, Prophecy: 1)
Invasion block: 2 (Invasion: 1, Planeshift: 1)
Odyssey block: 1 (Torment: 1)
Onslaught block: 2 (Onslaught: 1, Legions: 1)
Mirrodin block: 6 (Mirrodin: 2, Darksteel: 3, Fifth Dawn: 1)
Kamigawa block: 5 (Champions of Kamigawa: 2, Betrayers of Kamigawa: 1, Saviors of Kamigawa: 2)
Ravnica block: 4 (Ravnica: 2, Guildpact: 1, Dissension: 1)
Time Spiral block: 2 (Time Spiral: 2)
Lorwyn/Shadowmoor block: 5 (Morningtide: 2, Shadowmoor: 2, Eventide: 1)
Alara block: 5 (Shards of Alara: 2, Conflux: 3)
Zendikar block: 13 (Zendikar: 2, Worldwake: 2, Rise of the Eldrazi: 9)
Scars of Mirrodin block: 5 (Scars of Mirrodin: 2, Mirrodin Besieged: 2, New Phyrexia: 1)
Innistrad block: 6 (Innistrad: 2, Dark Ascension: 3, Avacyn Restored: 1)
Return to Ravnica block: 4 (Return to Ravnica: 3, Gatecrash: 1)
Theros block: 3 (Theros: 1, Born of the Gods: 1, Journey into Nyx: 1)

Conclusions: Distributed over the course of the entire Magic history, colossal fatties started really flourishing only in the Modern era. Back in old times, when creatures were notoriously an afterthought in any good designer's mind, colossal stuff wasn't all that frequent: out of 8 pre-Mirrodin blocks and the 6 ancient, unaligned expansion sets (from Arabian Nights to Homelands), we have only 19 colossal creatures, 3 of which are from Coldsnap, which is actually a Modern set arbitrarily attached to an older block. Alpha and the Portal sets only add 6 more to this count, and the Tempest block doesn't even feature a single one of them, unique case in history. Things start to change immediately once the modern layout is introduced, along with a new designing philosophy: Mirrodin block features 6 colossal dudes, three times the average presence until that point. In fact, Modern sets now features an average 5 colossal fatties per block (just like for Planeswalkers!), and it's not a coincidence that the big exception to this is Time Spiral, that was partially a reference to first age of Magic. Of course, the block with the larger colossal population is Zendikar. That's hardly surprising.

Colossal Colors

White: 8 (of which 1 mono, 3 Selesnya, 1 Naya, 3 penta-color)
Blue: 18 (of which 15 mono, 3 penta-color)
Black: 18 (of which 10 mono, 2 Rakdos, 2 Golgari, 1 Jund, 3 penta-color)
Red: 12 (of which 5 mono, 2 Rakdos, 1 Jund, 1 Naya, 3 penta-color)
Green: 34 (of which 24 mono, 2 Golgari, 3 Selesnya, 1 Jund, 1 Naya, 3 penta-color)
Colorless: 22

Conclusions: As expected, green wins by a large margin the count for most colossal-level creatures, white has almost none. Eldrazis and big artifacts make "colorless" the second most featured "color". Blue, despite famously being the less creature-friendly color, ends up having a notable amount of colossal fatties due to all the giant sea monsters that it harbors.

Colossal Types

Artifact: 15 (of which 14 colorless, 1 blue)
Legendary: 15 (of which 1 white, 3 blue, 3 black, 2 green, 1 Golgari, 2 penta-color, 3 colorless)
Land: 2
Token: 2 (of which 1 black, 1 Selesnya)
Enchantment: 1 (1 penta-color)
Equipment: 1 (1 colorless turning into a black creature)
Snow: 1 (1 colorless artifact)

Conclusions: Only 5 colossal fatties are generated through a noncreature card, of which 2 through lands, 2 through noncreature artifacts (one it's an equipment), and 1 through an aura. Only two of them result in creature tokens, as opposed to just a transformation of the same card: the Elemental from Grove of the Guardian and Marit Lage.

Colossal Creature Types

Elemental: 11
Golem: 9
Leviathan: 9
Beast: 8
Eldrazi: 8
Spirit: 6
Wurm: 6
Avatar: 5
Demon: 5
Horror: 5
Dragon: 3
Hydra: 3
Giant: 2
Kraken: 2
Angel: 1
Construct: 1
Dreadnought: 1
Elephant: 1
Human: 1
Insect: 1
Juggernaut: 1
Lizard: 1
Mutant: 1
Nightmare: 1
Octopus: 1
Serpent: 1
Soldier: 1
Treefolk: 1
Warrior: 1
Zombie: 1

Conclusions: The sheer number of doofuses earns Elemental and Leviathan the top spot, while that weird Chinese general puts both Human and Soldier on the list.

Colossal Keywords (or so)

Trample: 33 (of which 1 conditional)
Flying: 13
Annihilator: 8
Indestructible: 7 (of which 1 conditional)
Vigilance: 4
Defender: 2
Fear/Intimidate: 2
Hexproof: 2 (of which 1 conditional)
Islandwalk: 2
Morph: 2
Protection: 2 (of which 1 from colored spells, 1 from everything)
Regeneration: 2
Shroud: 2
Unblockable by less than 3 creatures: 2
Uncounterable: 2
Bloodrush: 1
Convoke: 1
Double strike: 1
Firebreathing: 1
Flash: 1 (achieved indirectly)
Haste: 1
Infect: 1
Monstrosity: 1
Suspend: 1
Transmute: 1

Conclusions: Unsurprisingly, trample is the bread and butter of the colossal creatures, appearing in almost half of them. In fact, it's hard to imagine why most of the creatures in the other half don't have trample as well. Some really popular keywords are entirely missing, though: first strike (with haste only appearing once, that nicely plays into the cumbersomeness of these fatties), deathtouch, lifelink, reach.

The Colossal Dream Team

Tier-1: Progenitus; Ulamog, the Infinite Gyre; Blightsteel Colossus; Emrakul, the Aeons Torn
Tier-2: Avacyn, Angel of Hope; Inkwell Leviathan; Terastodon; Kozilek, Butcher of Truth; Worldspine Wurm
Tier-3: Hellkite Overlord; Plated Slagwurm; Platinum Emperion; Stormtide Leviathan; Ulamog's Crusher; Greater Gargadon; Sundering Titan; Pathrazer of Ulamog; Artisan of Kozilek; Colossus of Akros; Darksteel Colossus; It That Betrays; Phyrexian Dreadnought; Marit Lage

Latest Additions

Return to Ravnica: Grove of the Guardian; Risen Sanctuary; Worldspine Wurm
Gatecrash: Skarrg Goliath
Theros: Colossus of Akros
Born of the Gods: Tromokratis
Journey into Nyx: Bearer of the Heavens

SUMMARY

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1. Avacyn, Angel of Hope

2. Avatar of Might

3. Avatar of Slaughter

4. Boldwyr Heavyweights

5. Desecration Elemental

11. Grove of the Guardian

12. Hellkite Overlord

17. Liege of the Tangle

18. Lorthos, the Tidemaker

19. Marjhan

20. Moldgraf Monstrosity

21. Myojin of Life's Web

22. Phyrexian Colossus

23. Phyrexian Soulgorger

24. Plated Slagwurm

25. Platinum Emperion

26. Primeval Force

27. Quilled Slagwurm

28. Risen Sanctuary

29. Sekki, Season's Guide

30. Sky Swallower

31. Spectral Force

32. Stormtide Leviathan

37. Zhou Yu, Chief Commander

42. Inkwell Leviathan

43. Spawnsire of Ulamog

44. Aboroth

45. Archdemon of Greed

46. Colossus of Sardia

47. Demon of Death's Gate

48. Devouring Strossus

53. Kalonian Behemoth

54. Krosan Colossus

55. Kuro, Pitlord

56. Pathrazer of Ulamog

57. Skarrg Goliath

58. Terastodon

59. Thing from the Deep

60. Witherscale Wurm

61. Artisan of Kozilek

62. Genju of the Realm

63. Bearer of the Heavens

64. Colossus of Akros

65. Doomgape

66. Etched Monstrosity

71. Skyshroud Behemoth

72. Supreme Exemplar

73. Ulamog, the Infinite Gyre

74. Blightsteel Colossus

75. Darksteel Colossus

76. Denizen of the Deep

81. Kozilek, Butcher of Truth

82. Phyrexian Dreadnought

83. Death's Shadow

84. Krosan Cloudscraper

85. Ludevic's Abomination

86. Withengar Unbound

87. Emrakul, the Aeons Torn

88. Worldspine Wurm

89. Marit Lage

Bonus: From the Un-Sets

2 Comments

I wish I had saved my old by CottonRhetoric at Tue, 07/02/2013 - 16:09

I wish I had saved my old Inquest magazines. Particularly, I would like to have framed this one page from their original Homelands review, in which they called Marjhan a really powerful new card.

These cards are really good. by TennieCamp at Thu, 08/08/2013 - 22:09

These cards are really good. I want to know more about this . - YOR Health