Welcome to my 1st and possibly only Edition of Man Card. Class 101 is now in session!
So what is a Man Card?
If you even need to ask the question, this article was designed with YOU in mind.
Man Card - Requirement to be accepted as a respectable member of the male community. Can and should be revoked by other respectable males for doing non-respectable-male things. May also be revoked by a woman, but only under extreme circumstances.
What are Man Card requirements?
- Testosterone and lots of it.
- Xbox 360, Playstation 3 or even Atari is still semi-acceptable.
- Access to a fully operational Garage, Den, Basement or some type of room similar to that of a Man Cave.
- Some type of tools located in said garage, preferably power tools.
- Access to fire via matches, lighters, grill or occasionally a blow torch.
- Excessive body noises, otherwise known as farts, gas, burps, belches or in extreme cases barfs.
- Fireworks, completely acceptable all times of the year.
- A woman in your life who you care deeply for. No basement boy, your Mom doesn't count.
- Competitive nature of some sort, either regarding sports, poker, Magic or even an eating contest.
- A bathroom in the house dedicated to YOUR THRONE. This room can not be painted Pink, Purple, or Plum and must be stocked with Manly Magazines for your reading pleasure.
- A completely stocked Fridge/Freezer complete with at least one TV Dinner or acceptable frozen delight.
- Something to get your hands greasy. Fast cars are preferred, but Motorcycles, Dirt Bikes, ATV's, Lawnmowers and even weed-eaters are accepted.
- The ability to look Fear in the eyes and laugh. To know that even pain is temporary.
Notice there are 13, because real men aren't afraid of silly things such as superstition.
So what is a Man Card Violation?
Man Card Violation -
1. Any action that implies effeminate, unmanly behavior or characteristics as opposed to stereotypical masculine ones.
2. Any action that would cause a man to be viewed as a
wuss,
sissy,
punk etc.
Examples of man card violations:
Men who get dragged to the movies to watch a "chick flick".
Men who rat out their friends to their girl friends.
Men who watch figure skating, Home Shopping Network, Friends, Desperate Housewives or other women's TV programming.
Metrosexuals.
Men who frequently use the phrase, "I wear the pants in this relationship."
"We had to take away Henry's Man Card because he cried in public when Kristina dumped him."
"Joe's Man Card was revoked when he participated in a Bridal Shower."
"Yes John, you do look fat in that shirt, now give me your man card."
Still think I am just joking about this Man Card thing. There is an entire website designed around the Man Card.
I wouldn't be a good author if I didn't give you real life examples of men who are permanent members of the Man Card Hall of Fame.
Chuck Norris is an auto-include and his Manly Legacy lives on each and every day.
Hello, can you say Mr. T starter set? Which man card slacker do you pity?
Seriously, this dude made bombs out of pens and paper clips. Highly underrated.
Bruce Lee just punched you in the face for even having to read this article.
Who needs team work when you can just kill everyone by yourself.
Who didn't want to be like Mike? This manly man brought Bald back from the brink of death!
The hot headed coach Ditka will forever be known by Da Bears.
Speaking of Da Bears, who could forget one of the greats, Chris Farley. RIP my phat friend.
This is just a small sampling of the many Men who have graced us with their presence in the Hall of Fame.
Unfortunately, there is also a Hall of Shame, full of these men.
Yea, you did do that, and that, oh and also that. CARD REVOKED!
Paging Mr. Herman, Mr. Herman you have a telephone call at the revoke desk! CARD REVOKED!
The only thing we will be sweatin' is the fact you may have actually owned one. CARD REVOKED!
Ya, we got faith.......faith that you used to be a card holder. Notice the past tense? CARD REVOKED!
There ain't no gold at the end of this rainbow, just one giant pot of rejection! CARD REVOKED!
You better talk to the hand, because the rest of us aren't listening. CARD REVOKED!
So what do all these man card ramblings mean? What in the heck do they have to do with this game we all love?
You see, I think often times we are looked upon as nerds, pencil pushers or pocket protectors of the universe. I am here to set the record straight. This game is a Man's game. It takes Manly Men to conquer the vastness that is Magic. It takes a certain amount of testicular fortitude to eat, sleep and breathe this game we all find addicting.
So what makes Magic the Gathering Manly?
1. Testosterone and lots of it.
Woman flock to him and his muscles. Animals are controlled by him. How is that for testosterone!
2. Xbox 360, Playstation 3 or even Atari is still semi-acceptable.
The game itself is available on Xbox 360, not to mention the fact that you play it on a sophisticated computer (hopefully).
3. Access to a fully operational garage, Den, Basement or some type of room similar to that of a Man Cave.
Magic is full of "Man Caves"
4. Some type of tools located in said garage, preferably power tools.
If you don't think this is enough to satisfy the requirements, there are always these tools.
5. Access to fire via matches, lighters, grill or occasionally a blow torch.
Who brought the Hot Dogs and Smores?
6. Excessive body noises, otherwise known as farts, gas, burps, belches or in extreme cases barfs.
And lets not forget the often over looked, silent but deadly.
7. Fireworks, completely acceptable all times of the year.
8. A woman in your life who you care deeply for. No basement boy your Mom doesn't count.
Or for some of you weirdos
9. Competitive nature of some sort, either regarding sports, poker, Magic or even an eating contest.
10. A bathroom in the house dedicated to YOUR THRONE. This room can not be painted Pink, Purple, or Fuchsia and must be stocked with Manly Magazines for your reading pleasure.
Do I even need to explain this one?
11. A completely stocked Fridge/Freezer complete with at least one TV Dinner or acceptable frozen delight.
Mmmmmmmmm Mana, how much more food does one need?
12. Something to get your hands greasy. Fast cars are preferred, but Motorcycles, Dirt Bikes, ATV's, Lawnmowers and even weed-eaters are accepted.
While this doesn't cover the motorized portion of the Man Code, I think it serves the point well enough. There is always Steamflogger Boss to fulfill the building or tearing things apart requirement.
13. The ability to look Fear in the eyes and laugh. To know that even pain is temporary.
Where else can you Face fear and make the Devil Squeal?
You see Magic is a Manly Man's Game! It meets all the requirements and you can't convince me otherwise. So stand up for yourselves, put away the calculator and protractor. Know that you are a muscle bound, fire breathing, noise making, food eating, filth bearing, Throne owning, Tool using, Ladies man who laughs in the face of fear. Well at least for a few strokes on the keyboard.
Back to reality Nerds............Class dismissed.
Thanks for reading,
Graig W.
-ImpinAintEasy on Mtgo-
51 Comments
HA! I love it, great article. I just have one glaring issue with, very big... How could you write this without giving reference to POWERTHIRST!?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRuNxHqwazs
"A completely stocked Fridge/Freezer complete with at least one TV Dinner or acceptable frozen delight."
The fridge that is "mine" is fully stocked with beer (at the moment with Newcastle, Heineken, Corona and Coors Light for the ladies), with some meat and leftover chili. Unfortunately, there are no frozen or TV dinners in it. Do I have to turn in my card?
Great article!
You still meet the hidden requirements for now lol.
I don't have a mancard. I was raised to believe in myself regardless of gender stereotypes.
You know what is funny? While writing this article I actually had a feeling you would be commenting something along these lines. This article said nothing about bashing women or saying men were superior to them. In fact it says women could actually revoke a mancard.
It was written as a joke and should be read in such way. Seriously, Paul you gotta loosen up my friend.
Or be clearer. I think it was obvious that YOU were joking. Perhaps my phrasing was off? Also I was trying to imply the opposite...insulting to guys not girls. Ah well subtlety is a fine art and hard to master.
you my friend never had a chance at a man card or even a psuedo boy card good luck
Rofl shows you what you know :D
Subtlety is definitely not "manly", but 2-mana instants and subtlety beat... *scrolls up*... everything in this article.
Don't forget Master of the Wild Hunt, in the same vein as Garruk, one of the manliest creatures in standard in years.
nice, but s'mores? that could cost you your card my friend.
You could be right there, I might have slipped up a little bit. I blame that on the fact I have 3 boys under the age of 7.
But you are cooking the smores around fire and what is more manly than fire?
lol ok you get a pass
reading this made me want to take my shirt and drink guinness while watching sportcenter...now after class im picking up some guinness
Better yet, fire up the grill after finding that perfect steak. Cook as if you are some type of professional griller all the while slamming down some good ole fashioned lauger. After that, go put in your favorite episode of Tim the Toolman Taylor and watch crap get blown up. Wait a minute........better yet, go watch A-Team and laugh over and over as murdock acts tough but deep down in a pyromaniac nerd!
Glad I inspired you Shard!
Heh, watched 4 A-Team episodes this past week alone! Murdoch is my favorite, and I love his voice talents. But I clicked on Face's name on netflix and saw he was in Battlestar Galactica - watching that now for the first time (from 1978) and enjoying that too.
When the A-Team came out it was because of Dirk Benedict that I watched it. The rest just kept me watching.
My two favorite Mancard shows. UFC and Myth Busters. Oh and Manswers
Ahhh yes good old UFC, I was so disappointed with the performance of Rampage at the pay per view.
this is perhaps the weirdest article I've ever read on here lol and that's sayin something
I guess I'll take that as a compliment lol. Just admit it, you were expecting some Legacy goodness, but instead stumbled upon my lame attempt at humor!
I did expect some Legacy coverage, but i read your post about marshmallows and fire and no, nothing beats fire in manarchy.
lol I saw you wrote an article and thought "sweet Legacy", then I read the description and was confused, but interested... then I read the article, and I didn't know what to think tbh lol
For a moment there I was starting to wonder where this ties into magic then you hit us with the second half of the article and the cards selections. Refreshing, change to the typical article.
I was scratching my head the other day and thought it might be time to write something off topic. Then the idea for the man card thing came to my head so I just ran with it.
I am sort of at a cross roads as to what Legacy related I want to write about. Someone asked me to write about Dredge, but that isn't my style and I don't think my heart would be into that sort of article. I guess I might take a break from writing unless someone has suggestions or something they wish to see covered.
I might write an article about a deck called "The Gate" which I've been toying around with. The problem right now is the payout for urza is to low to even consider playing in 2 mans.
Now that I can ID with. Being stuck for a topic happens to me every time I write.
One of the reasons I went back to playing Jund in Std DEs is the low payout on U packs. How about something involving strategies that pick apart Landstill. It seems to be the deck to beat. Well that and dunkle's zoo list.
Is there really a reliable deck to pick apart Landstill with other than getting lucky under the gun? (Only thing that comes to mind is some kind of lock deck with Black Vise and Armageddon etc, but that seems very bad.)
Landstill has problems with Merfolk(esp the 4cc ones) and generaly needs to side in something for combo as it has no clock to clock the combo player from sculpting hands, no disruption and half of its spellls are blanks in that mu (being that they are removal).
OK cool. That does sound good but why 4cmc? Am I missing something?
I meant the 4cc Landstill lists are much more open to Waste-screw(most only play 1 basic island), same reason they have to run Stifles/Crucible/Loam against decks like Agg Loam(recurring Wastes) or lose.
OK. Wasteland does seem to hold a lot of decks in check.
combo can be strong against LandStill, the point there is heavy perm destruction through Deeds etc, which is why it dominates in a meta with DnT and Gobos running wild, with combo you maybe able to go off before landstill beats you down, just gotta watch for the counters, also there is power in Aggro Loam v LandStill because it also doesnt rely on permanents, you get seismic to stick and you can throw down
Seismic IS a permanent but I know what you mean :) Seems like youd have to toss something else objectionable out there for the deeds to hit first.
I would like to see you do the 16 lord no Standstill -Merfolk list. It is gaining ground in Legacy. I think it is not only better suited for the mirror, but against decks like Zoo with Dispel(flat out countering Bolts,Helix,PtE,StP) in the board and open slots for Snare/Pierce as well as Corralhelm flying over the top.
I not a huge lover of merfolk, but I will build the new list and start working on the build and possibly write an article based around it. Merfolk would be better suited for my play style than dredge.
BELCH.
scratch, scratch.
Whats going on here(whiffy enters the conversation in his undys while drinking a beer.
Loved the article, but what about the fairer sex who plays Magic?
Just curious....:)
You get the Ladies Card. (I guess.)
Ahhh my fair maiden you get the most glorious prize of all.
You get the "Been there done that, have the T-shirt, here are your pants back" Card.
Better yet, I think you should write the woman's version of this article 80)
But where is the Veteran Bodyguard ????????
I always thought that this "Georges clooney" bodyguard participated to YMCA video clips (with his nice leather necklace as well)
Well, kind sir, I think I will...
=)
I'm a mythbuster, I bust tons of mythics every day :)
Nice read raddy, at the beginning I was like "... american crap..." but actually I had to laugh ( which is hard you know as Im stonecold ;) ). Good job man, but I have to look up some things I didnt got now^^
Did I really just read an article on how manly magic is? isn't magic a big enough sausage party, without praising how manly it is, even jokingly (hint: I know it's a joke article)? The ratio of cheeto dust and mountain dew breath on the fingers of the guys at a magic tournament instead of beer and hotwings sort of keeps sneaking up as a reality check to me.
Seriously though, do you know how to get some chicks to come to your party? clean your bathroom, and when they show up, you probably shouldn't be flexing the whole time while farting and fixing a hotrod engine. That might get one or two chicks to stay at the party but that's it. Now what do you suppose the ratio of chicks vs guys on magic is? A couple of chicks who stayed at the party, Maybe we should clean the bathroom, put on a nice shirt, and NOT stand there flexing, even in jest.
Magic obviously is a game dominated by Male Players. The article wasn't about that, it was about the fact many people view Magic as a nerdy type of game.
Besides, you can't bash the article and then refer to women as "Chicks"
Personally, I've been married for over 10 years, there are lots of ideas I could give you to be a good man in order to attract women. In light of my article, I have a great respect for women, especially my wife who bore the burden of delivering all 3 of my children without pain meds.
i wasnt necessarily trying to bash the article, i was trying to convey a joking around attitude while making a relatively small point. I've been married 5 years. I take my wife out for new clothes and don't own dual lands because I have my priorities straight. you've got nothing to teach me my friend, my wife can attest to that.
You have to understand if you write an article about testosterone and revoking man-cards, even if you are trying to un-nerdify the game of magic by extolling male virtues and comparing them to cards, that it doesnt come across as female friendly. the game is dominated by guys and i suppose you're trying to write for your audience, but my wife plays magic, and she reads puremtgo, and she's repelled away from a site devoted to magic articles when the article is about the "Man-card," not drawn-in, and I'm just trying to point out that, even though i know your article is a joke as I mentioned, the whole reason magic is dominated by men is because we make it unfriendly, uncomfortable or have an air and atmosphere that projects a man's club. whether you mean to or not, it just helps perpetuate the sausage party that is magic, and at the very least certainly doesnt help.
by the way, my wife refers to herself and friends as chicks. I refer to chicks as chicks. I can call girls chicks, and still think this article isn't helping the all male-nerdface that magic wears. besides I already mentioned i was trying to be joke-y in my post, but i suppose without smiley faces peppered in there it didnt convey humor or non-seriousness as much. I certainly didnt expect a dissertation on why your wife is awesome and how you respect women and how "there are lots of ideas I could give you to be a good man in order to attract women." Nor did I really think my post warranted that. If you automatically assumed the worst of me because I said 'chicks' then imagine how many readers saw your definition fo a mancard and got the wrong idea about you-- is all im saying.. heh
also you can try to de-nerd magic all you want, however you like, but you can't put a dress on your pillow and call it your girlfriend. we all know its a pillow. a pillow with cheeto dust fingers. :D
you're obviously sensitive about your article, but its garnered tons of comments and views and no need to worry, enough people found your man-card comparison funny.
You and I seem to share a lot of ideas in common.
I see a little banter back and forth in the comments about trying to denerdify magic. What is this about? I enjoyed the article, but it is not going to denerd magic, neither is a few more girls playing. I'm assuming everyone reads this article plays magic, we are nerdy. That is ok:)
I fail to see why being a man and being a nerd at the same time can not co-exist.
Agreed Shard, is why I don't see the point in the above posts about denerding magic. We can laugh at a humor based article (especially when a huge amount of the audience has encountered/lived with these stereotypes,) I just think looking any deeper into denerdifying magic is silly.