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Marc Lawrence

Does She Offer?

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As I have said many times, qualification is the most important part of attraction.
If you can identify a woman is not for you as quickly as possible, that frees up your time to either attract one who is, or spend time with one who is.   One of the quickest ways to qualify is to look for predictive behavioral traits. For example, if you meet a woman and she tells you that all her past boyfriends cheated on her, odds are you will be accused at some point of cheating on her if you become her next boyfriend. Take a pass.

One of the most predictive character traits I’ve ever seen with women (people in general, really) is if they offer to pay or pay part of a tab when you go out.

Now, when I go out with a woman, whether a friend, date, vendor, business associate, etc., I always pay, even when they technically should (i.e. a vendor taking a client to lunch). I do this for “primal reasons,” because a man who pays is very attractive to women on a biological level, and this is very helpful, even in business. I get much more cooperation from female vendors than most men do for this reason.   But, here’s the qualification point: all of the women I would classify as attractive, trustworthy, etc. always offer to pay all or part when the tab comes. I always pay, but they always offer.

Now, women who I have found to be unattractive for a variety of reasons NEVER offer to pay, in fact, they expect you to pay for it. They view the world as purely transactional, with an entitlement mentality.

Of course you should always insist on payingher offering and your refusing is a social protocol, like you asking your friend for a glass of water instead of going into their refrigerator without asking. But if you violate the social protocol, it kills the attraction.

If you go out with a woman who always expects you to pay when the bill come (i.e. she feels ENTITLED) you will start to experience other entitlement behaviors. She’ll put a price on everything, whether that is an emotional or financial price.

Women who offer to pay are comfortable with themselves, and feel they should do their part, i.e. EARN what they get, instead of being entitled to it. Of course because she offers to pay doesn’t mean it will work out (she may have other issues) but a woman who never offers to pay is almost always one to avoid.

In the end, attraction is all about time management, and time management is about disqualifying as quickly as possible. Identifying predictive behaviors is one of the best ways to qualify quickly, and it will certainly identify anyone who feels entitled vs those who believe in earning. Earners are the ones you want—they contribute, while those who feel entitled take and take and take until your all tapped out.

How to Learn the Language and Patterns of Women

If you’re a long time Loveawake dating site subscriber, you know one of the things I talk about is qualification.

But even more important than that is quick qualification…after all, if you can DIS-qualify a woman in a few hours instead of a few days, you have that much more time to spend with one more suited to you.
One of the best ways to qualify is using innocuous probing statements that uncover a woman’s internal patterns of behavior, to see if she matches up to what you want.

For example, I like women who like to wear heels, dress sexy, and who pay attention to all the small details that make a woman “intelligently sexy.” I do NOT like women who have the “natural look,” i.e. no make-up, and Birkenstocks. That is my preference, of course, and you may feel the opposite, which is perfectly fine. What’s important is, you know your preference.

Now, I like fit women, and whenever I meet one, I make a small comment about her looking good in “very high heels.” The responses are interesting. My favorite one is, of course, “Oh yes, I DO look good in heels.” That is a confident woman, the kind I like.

But on occasion, I have gotten the response, “Don’t tell me what to wear, you either like me as I am or you don’t like me.” Whoa—a response like that to an innocuous, flirty question shows you she has some issues. More than likely she dealt with a controlling man previously, and has an automatic backlash against anything that appears to be controlling.

That is just one example of probing for patterns. You also have to listen to a woman’s language, to see how she views the world. I have met some women who used language that showed they did not accept responsibility for their actions, language such as, “it didn’t work for me” as opposed to “I didn’t do it right.” That is a powerful view into her world.

I also met a woman once who, when she started telling stories about guys she used to date, ended every single one of them with, “and then I caught him cheating on me.” Whoa. What was even worse was her description of how she “caught” them…confronting them at work, driving by their houses late at night looking for strange vehicles, etc. As they say in the old Monty Python skits, “run away, run away!”

Certainly you want to be on the lookout for negative disqualifiers because those let you quickly end it with a woman. Once you notice the absence of those, you can move on to looking for qualifiers, and see how things play out.

Probing for patterns and listening to a woman’s language is a powerful tool when it comes to attraction. To use a Poker analogy, it quickly allows you to fold a bad hand, and play when you have a much better chance of winning—and with women, that’s the only time you want to play.


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